Boulevard to Polaris (Virago Series #1)

each is destined

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CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
each is destined

warning. this chapter contains
detailed scenes that aren't
suitable for young readers.

read at your own risk.   
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I was drawn into the burn he made, like the same moth who's stubborn enough to still draw herself closer to the scorching fire only to end up burning herself in the process. I knew that the same might happen to me. I am aware of everything or what might happen if I give in, but for a second that I heard and felt through his kisses that he wants me, I listened to what my body, heart, and soul wanted ━ him.

Sagot ang kailangan ko pero iba ang sagot na nakuha ko.

It was only a kiss, I said. The rational side of me thought I could get what I wanted before leaving but it was as if he flipped the tables on me now just to get what he wanted as well. 

Bago pa ko makapag-isip kanina, nasa kwarto niya na ako. Binuhat niya ako nang hindi pinuputol ang halikan namin bago niya ako maingat inilapag sa malambot niyang kama. Sobrang higpit din ng kapit niya sa'kin, animo'y mawawala ako sa sandaling luwagan niya ang pagyakap. He was fast enough to place himself above me before I could notice things. The only light helping me see what he's doing is the moonlit passing through his room's huge window pane.

A low moan passed through my parted lips when I felt Gazer's calloused palm gently massaging the bare skin of my waist. Lumusot na sa spaghetti ko ang kamay niya. His lips is still on mine, kissing me like he's intoxicated, never letting go even when he's out of breath. He never stopped until we're panting, that's how crazy he is to feel my mouth against his. I was avoiding his lips but he's chasing it again and again hanggang sa pareho na kaming nabaliw sa labi ng isa't-isa.

"I need you, Astra." Gazer almost whimpered between our faces' gap, "I need you. Fuck, mababaliw na ko."

Something touched and gripped my heart. Touch because he sounded sincere, and grip because I know that continuing what our bodies wanted is wrong in many ways. He's engaged for fuck's sake. Kahit pa nakipaghiwalay si Quince sakanya kanina ay baka bunga lang 'yun ng galit at magbabalikan sila kinabukasan.

Kung mangyayari 'yun, mababasag ulit ako. 

"Is this where you also fucked Quince, Gaze?" Halos magsisi ako sa sarili kong tanong lalo na't kitang-kita na natigilan siya saglit sa sinabi ko.

I regretted it. Sure. But I can't help it. I wanted to make reasons so he'll shut me off far from him and so I can also leave him even with a heavy heart. Hindi pwede 'tong gagawin namin at mas lalong hindi na pwede 'tong nagigising kong damdamin. Ayokong magbunga ang kinalimutang damdamin ko pero gusto kong maniwala ulit. Gusto kong magpatianod sakanya.

I heard him sigh, "To be honest, every single thing you heard from Quince that night when you first worked here is a lie. We made out a lot but every time I'm about to undress, I just can't bear myself to touch her. She felt wronged afterwards and I felt so sorry. I don't love or like her and that became a trigger for me to make so many mistakes. At inaamin ko, Astra, sobrang nakokonsensya ako sa tuwinang nasasaktan siya dahil sa kagaguhan ko. Sa apat na taon na magkasama kami't nasasaktan ko siya, ikaw agad naiisip ko at kung ano ang sasabihin mo kapag nalaman mong may nasaktan akong babae."