𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 𝐒.𝐉 & 𝐍.𝐑 ✔️

- I will hate and love you forever - Natasha X Daughter

A/n: I just wanna throw a TW in for self-hate, death and SH

"Mom, I'm going for a run, I'll be back in an hour" I yell to her as I'm tightening my ponytail, "Honey, that's your third one today, and if your running at least take off the hoodie" She says from the kitchen, "So? It's just a run, besides if I wanna be an agent I have to be able to run, and I could get cold so I'm keeping it on," I say and walk out the front door before she can get a word out. 

Come on Y/n, you gotta lose it, if you ever want to look like her you have to lose it. 

My thoughts run at the same speed as my legs, each time one of my feet hits the pavement a new word pops up in my head. Fat. Disgusting. Worthless. Dumb. Dirty. Useless. Cow. 

The words keep storming in till I'm standing in front of my bathroom mirror, in only my bra and underwear, carefully looking at every single spot, hair, and line, thinking about all the things I could do to change. I need to run more, need to go train more, I have to get up earlier, skipping breakfast isn't enough, lunch gotta go too, maybe even dinner.

I lean over the sink and carefully pick at the skin on my face till I bleed, I like blood, it's fascinating how something that beautiful can come out of such a disgusting human being. Without even thinking I let my thought carry away and grab a shard of glass I found outside earlier, I carefully drag it across my thighs, again, and again, and again. I don't stop till someone knocks on my door, "Y/n honey, are you close to being done? dinner is ready," mom tells me from the other side of the door, "Almost, give me a minute," I tell her, she grabs onto the handle of the door and tries to open it.

Shit. Shit. Shit. "Y/n, why is the door locked? You know it can't be locked when you shower," She says. I unlock it and rush into the shower. As the water hits me and the familiar stinging starts, I put my hand in my mouth to stop myself from making a sound, my other hand shakes and I drop the glass on the floor, "what was that?" she says still outside the door, "uh- nothing," I say, my voice shaky. I look at my hand covered in my bitemarks, she opens the door and comes in, "Jeez mom, ever hear of the word privacy?" I yell at her, "right, sorry, just finish up," she says, "sure, whatever," I say annoyed and she leaves the bathroom. 

"Y/n, there you are, sit," Vision says and gestures to the chair I usually sit in when we eat, "No thanks, I'm not hungry I'll eat later," I say and walk to the fridge and grab the two water bottles I put in there yesterday. "I'll be in my room if you need me," I announce and walk back to my room. In a matter of seconds, I manage to empty the two water bottles, I put them on my desk and walk over to my bookcase, I trace my fingers on the spines of each book and take the one I was looking for out, I open it and look at the safe door, its the type of book where you store your secrets. 

I type in my pin code, 1984, my mom's birth year, when the pling sounds I open it and take out the shard from earlier, I place it next to me and close the book back up, and put it in the bookcase. 

As I can hear the others start to clean up after dinner downstairs I start to bandage myself up, the crimson liquid seeping through in some places but not enough to notice. "Y/n, can I come in?" It sounds on the other side of the door, "No, go away," I yell, "Okay, just remember you have training tomorrow with your mom and Clint," She says back and walks away. 

__

"Okay Agents, pair up in two's and start sparring," Clint says to all of us, I pair up with Bishop and we start sparing. "Come on Y/n, concentrate before she knocks your teeth out," Clint says to me, "And take off the hoodie," Mom adds, I roll my eyes without her seeing it and doesn't take it off. I can't help but glare over at Wanda, her perfect face, her disgustingly beautiful brown hair, her stupid sweet smile, her dumb skinny, curvy body, her horribly nice clothing style, her annoying lovely laugh, her fucking annoying ability to have more than one friend. People actually like her. "Y/n, come on!" Kate yells at me, it's my turn to hit first, "right sorry," I apologize and shake my head a little.