𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 𝐒.𝐉 & 𝐍.𝐑 ✔️

- I have to be honest, - Scarlett X Daughter

TW talks about suicide. 

Mom and I have been invited to The Ellen DeGeneres Show because of a new movie we're doing, and I don't think I've ever been this excited before. Normally the interviews I partake in end up being about my and my mother's personal life, and if I'm lucky it won't this time.

When Ellen announced us, we walked in like we usually do, we walk in next to each other, and then when I get super anxious I grab onto moms hand and people make edits about it. We sit on the chairs opposite Ellen and she begins to make small talk.

We've been at it for around 45 minutes and we've only spoken about the movie, mom has obviously been asked the most questions as her role is a little more interesting compared to mine.

"So, Y/n, now that we have talked a ton about the movie, what's going on in your personal life right now? High school? Boys?" She asks me putting pressure on the boys part, making my mom and the audience laugh.

"Well, my life is not that interesting, to be honest," I laugh, "but yeah, high school and stuff," I add and close myself off, getting super uncomfortable. 

"So, enough about that, Y/n, you have recently stopped posting on your social media's, why is that?" She asks me, I glance over at my mom and scratch my wrist in an attempt to calm myself down, my mom notices and grabs my hand. 

"Well, I guess I just decided to take a break and focus more on myself, my friends, work, and spending time with my mom as we are both home for the first time in a long time," I inform and smile at my mom. 

"Now that you've brought her up yourself, how would you say that yours and your mom's relationship is?" She follows up, I both like and hate this question, to be honest. 

"Well, I guess that it's like most mother-daughter relationships, she tells me things, I tell her things, just normal stuff" I shrug and Ellen begins to laugh. 

 "What things do you not tell her?" She winks and looks at my mother who starts to look intrigued wanting my answer to this question as well. 

I ignore her question and she moves on, it's not till mom and I are sitting in the car on the way home that she brings it up again, "So, what haven't you told me?" She nags, I gulp and look out the window not wanting to answer her. 

"Come on Y/n, we tell each other everything," She complains, I look over at her with tears in my eyes really not wanting to talk about it. 

"Honey, I can see that it's hurting you, please tell me," She begs, I sniff and accept that I'm going to have to be honest.

"You remember the Saturday you called me because I skipped school and hadn't come home that night?" I ask her, "Mhm," She responds.

"Well, I had walked 2 miles to the bridge by the river, I stepped onto the railing as it started to rain, I threw my keys on the ground and I um- I started to cry, sob actually, when you called me, and in the start I just wanted the call to be over, I wanted you to scream and yell and then I would throw my phone in the river and then-" 

"Jump, then you would've jumped," She cried and parked the car in an empty parking lot, so she could have full focus on me. 

"Yeah- yeah, I would've jumped, but somehow listening to you, made me step back down onto the pavement, pick up my keys and walk home, which is why I ignored the question today, I didn't want to say that out loud without telling you first,"

She wraps her arms closely around me and put her hand on the back of my head, I can feel her tears hitting my shoulder and I can hear her heart beating, her lungs breathing and her chest rising, I apologize to her a million times and each time she tells me to shut up. 

She pulls away and grabs my face, snot mixed with tears is running down my face, I wipe it off with my sleeve and mom places a kiss on my forehead, "You do not ever keep stuff like this from me again okay? If you ever, ever need me for anything please, I beg you please tell me, because I cannot lose you, I cannot live without you," She cries, I sob and hug her again, "Promise me you won't ever do this, please," She pleads, I hesitate for a minute and tell her I won't. 

"I love you so much Y/n and I will not put myself in the situation where I have to stand at your funeral, I will not let that happen you hear me?" 

"I love you to mom,"