Yeonbin ff
Not every love story is about two lost souls finding each other.
This story starts with an end, with an end of a beautiful and long-lasting relationship. What happened to them? Will they be able to find back to each other? Will the other...
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Yeonjun's pov:
I'm suffocating.
All these voices keep me from hear my own heartbeat. All these eyes keep me from seeing my way. All these people make it impossible to breath.
I need to get out of here.
Yes, I love attention. Yes, I love praises. And yes, I love people around me.
But sometimes I feel like all their hopes and enviousness is getting above me.
I get out of the canteen, keeping my head high and shoulders back, looking like every day, keeping my cool. But deep inside me, I know that t's not like every other day.
Everything just was so stressful today. College is normally quite easy for me; all the assignments do not take me so much effort. But today every little glimpse of the teacher let me twitch slightly. Every time someone approached to me it was so hard to smile. Every time I feel stares on me, my breath hitched for a second.
Now, when I make my way out of the campus and straight towards my favorite place, away from all those people I'm supposed to know, I'm supposed to like, I begin to feel better. Passing these streets, some happy playing children, busy looking adults and finally reaching these all too familiar looking trees. I see the place I wished for the most in the sticky building. I feel the silence falling over me, only disrupted by some birds chirping and leaves rustling.
I sit down on the bench and despite the hard wood, I feel the comfort rushing through my veins. Relieved, I sigh out loud and close my eyes.
I feel how my lungs get filled with air, how the wind brushes over my face and I at last calm down.
After a few seconds or minutes, I don't really know, I open my eyes again.
Sometimes I get emotional
They say a man ain't supposed to cry
These phrases popped in my head out of nowhere. Now they are spinning around in my head, not going away. They wake the desire in me to write them down. Without realizing it, I put my notebook out of the bag I dragged along with me and start writing these random phrases on a new page.
This book is full of my memories and captures my secrets. It's the thing I cherish the most in this world. It was the first thing I bought myself from self-earned money with so much proudness, that whenever I open this book I think about this day, four years ago, and need to smile. There is only one quarter left, but this doesn't bother me, when my hand starts to continue to write. It feels like I don't control my hand anymore, nor my thoughts. There are words that just need to come out, don't leaving me a choice but to write them down, construct senses and connect verses.
"Hey" I hear a quiet whisper far away from where my thoughts are right now. But I recognize it right away, so I force myself to find my way back to reality, to let my eyes meet the ones I was unconsciously looking for through the whole day.
"Hey", I answer the same way he greeted me before. While I close my notebook, he sits down right next to me, far away so he doesn't touch me, but close enough to make me wonder to how it would feel like.
We stay like this for a couple of minutes, both just enjoying feeling the presence of the other, not needing any words or other forms of recognition.
"What were you writing about?", that question of Soobin got me off guard. His voice was soothing and soft as always, spreading out comfort just by appearing but his words meant more than just that simple question. He also knows that.
It's been weeks now since we got to know each other. We would meet randomly at the college or plan to eat dinner together, sometimes with the other three and sometimes just the two of us. Every time it was special, every time we were getting more comfortable. We reached the stadium, where his presence only can make my heartbeat faster and his gaze makes me insane, but when he caresses my arm, or assure me with comforting words, he can calm me down in seconds. He smiles more often, leaving me stunned every time when his eyes shine, and his dimples appear. He even let me hold his hand once when we were strolling around the streets of Seoul.
And I learned much about him. I know now that he used to play the violin, but his true preference was the piano, which he started to play only recently. I learned as well that he is a picky eater, not eating every kind of vegetables and some just when they are fully cooked. He also has this habit to bite his inner cheek, when he is nervous, which people aren't able to see normally, but if you focus, it's easy to recognize. And he is curious. He wants to know everything. I've never and - I really mean never - met somebody as inquisitive as him.
"About how I felt today", I blurted out my answer. I continue, without him asking further and I know damn well that I allow him access to my secrets right now. Nobody knows about my songs, except the little snipples on my Instagram, but they are only about the ones I am the proudest about and just imply one or two verses, so no one could understand the real meaning behind them. Now I'll tell him more about a specific one and even one that I just wrote. But I start nevertheless, giving him a smile and with my answer also my trust.
"I felt weird today. Totally out of place. And somehow... emotional. I didn't feel like the normal me. I couldn't stand all these peoples, their stares, or their expectations. You know", I look at him, "Sometimes I wonder, why I even must talk to them, when I already know they are gossiping shit behind my back. I wonder if their compliments are real when they are full of jealousy the whole time. I wonder if their smiles are real, or if they just want something in return. I question, why they have to care for others' opinions so much; why I do that too. I wonder, why I can't just get away, when I can't breathe. But I got used to it, and you probably know that I like the attention most of the time.
But sometimes it is just getting over my head. Sometimes I'm feeling myself being close to the edge. Sometimes I feel like crying.
heyagain, stream 'let my song cry' by Yeonjun if you want :) if you haven't heard it yet you really have to, it's incredible!!
anyways, did you like that chapter? I didn't plan it like that original, but I'm kinda proud of the outcome :) I'd really appreciate to hear some of your thoughts!
