Yeonbin ff
Not every love story is about two lost souls finding each other.
This story starts with an end, with an end of a beautiful and long-lasting relationship. What happened to them? Will they be able to find back to each other? Will the other...
I love feeling like this. Beomgyu is laying in my arms and we do nothing. Well, we are watching a movie, but we don't pay any attention to it, so we technically don't watch it. I smile and look down at the nearly sleeping beauty, that has his head on top of my lap. I play with his hair to sooth him even more and make sure, he will get to sleep in a few seconds. "Hey, I will go learn with Hyuka", Yeonjun says as soon as he comes in and sees the both of us. I just nod, pretending everything is fine, just as he does. But I observe him, as he makes his way towards the room of the youngest. He comes here often now. He is here nearly every day, or he goes out with other friends of him. It seems like he can't be alone. Gyu told me, that he would ask to call sometimes in the evening. We all are concerned. Yeonjun is mostly somebody that doesn't ask for help. Even if everyone sees that he is not doing fine, he won't accept any help, not wanting to pressure us. He heals on his own. Every time. Even Beomgyu wan't involved in many problems of him in the past, and they know each other since years. Guy said, that if he asks for attention and he'll in this kind of matter, it must be really bad. And we all feel it. It is bad. Everyday he sways around and changes from "I have to go on" to "I can't let him go" in a few seconds. And it isn't good for him. I think bothers him so much, that these thoughts alone can keep him awake for several days. I don't want him to forget Soobin, I know my best friend is also in a similar condition, but this? It isn't good either. I look how Yeonjun closes the door and direct my look to my boyfriend. "We can't do anything, Tae. We are here for him and he knows it. What more can we do?" His words ease my mind a little and I smile, because he instantly knew what was worrying me. "What are you smiling about?" He asks, now playfully laughing. "Nothing! Let's go make romyeon" I say and are able to stand up, because Gyu jumps up cheerfully, running towards the kitchen. I smile and follow him. Everything is normal, when I do my first steps- That's when a weird feeling hits me and causes me to stop for a milli second. Oh no, not again. Not now. Tomorrow we will visit his parents once again, since the first meeting went not too good. Well, his mum loves me, but his dad... He didn't say anything too bad, at least. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't as bad as I thought, but it was okay. Beomgyu is sure, that his dad will love me too, as soon as he understands my charms (i don't exactly know, what guy means by that, but I believe him). So I am a bit anxious because of tomorrow, and that is exactly why, we decided to have a movie night together before, so we would both relax. Tomorrow is important, I can't have something weird now. I quietly breath in and out, before stepping towards Gyu, who is already waiting for the water to cook. I observe every of my moves from now on making this feeling grow wider ad wider. After some time we are happily eating our romyeon as we are still watching the movie. But the feeling isn't going away. This uneasy feeling is still there. It feels like something bad will happen, like I need to get out of here to control it. I know that this is stupid. Nothing will happen and it won't change a thing if I am here or outside, so I breath and try to calm down. But my heart pounds and pounds uncontrollably. I can't concentrate anymore. There is only this feeling in my mind. I can't breath. Ervything is blurred. Not my sight. But my thoughts. They keep spinning around in an uncontrollably speed, chasing after each other. What is happening? I know there is nothing wrong, but the feeling increases. I start to shiver. I don't know he, its not even cold. i just can't hold it ba- "Tae, what's wrong?", I hear Guys voice. But i can't concentrate on him, not even on his appearance. "I-i need to go outside"
Beomgyu's pov
He runs. He runs outside without any shoes, without a jacket. He just runs. I never saw him like that before. Somehow he seemed like he doesn't understand what is going on either, but at the same time it wasn't like this was the first time experiencing something like this for him. I follow him, without a second thought I run after him. "Tae", i try to stop him with my call. And indeed, he stopped and looked at me. He looks at me as if he was holding on for his life. "Hey, its all good." I whisper and engulfed him in a hug. "I am here." I let him stay like that in my arms while his body twitches uncontrollably, I feel his tears falling down and I know that he can't speak right now. I don't know how long we are standing here. I can't tell if it was minutes or hours. All I know is, that he was safe with me, even if he is not feeling safe. After a while he is able to go inside again, and so we did. He keeps apologising ans thanking me the whole night, while i just hug him, scared of loosing him, the same way that he is scared of loosing himself.
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hellooo again, how did you like the two chapters? Hope you liked them even though they were so short! I hope i kinda put it into fitting words how it is to deal with a panic attacks. I know that many people are struggling with that kinda stuff and i know it is horrible, but it won't be addressed in many books or anything so I kinda felt the need to give it a voice in here! If you have this or any other kind of problem please don't blame yourself and ask for help!!! If you need someone to talk, as always, I am here and my dms are always open <33
see you on tuesday <3
hove you all so much!!! have a great day or night <333
