White Lies and Smiles

20

TW: Mention of Death

"On behalf of our crew and the rest of the team, thank you for choosing our company as your airline today."

When the plane landed, I already had so many thoughts. I'll visit Clyde. He's working at one of the largest law firms of the country.

I bid my goodbye to Captain Greyson before driving away. I was smiling while driving. I'm finally free. The therapies were worth it. The pain was gone and all that's left was peace.

"Nay?" Hinarap ako ni Nanay. Tahimik akong umiyak habang pinagmamasdan siya. "S-sorry... Sorry ngayon lang ako b-bumalik. Maraming nangyari sa buhay ko."

"Qamari..." Lumapit sa akin si Nanay at hinaplos niya ang aking pisngi. "Pasensya na kung tinaboy kita noon."

"W-wala kang kasalanan, Nay. Nagsisisi na ako na s-sumama ako kay Ethan at iniwan ko kayo. Nabuntis ako... Pero hindi naka-survive ang bata." Nagulat si Nanay sa sinabi ko.

I managed to survive the next years from then. I have my own apartment now and I have a car. I can say that I am already financially stable. That's more than enough.

For some reason, I became attached with Clyde. He was there for me in my darkest days and nights. He was there through my lows and highs. He was there to comfort me when no one else did.

Nag-park ako sa tabi ng isang itim na Porsche Macan. Nang makalabas ako ng kotse ay nagtagal ang tingin ko sa katabing kotse. Inayos ko ang sarili ko at naglakad na papasok ng gusali. Sumakay ako sa elevator. Nilingon ako ng mga nakasakay roon.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa suot ko. Nakapagpalit na ako ng damit. Naka-one side drawstring backless silk dress na ako ngayon. Dapat hindi iyon ang pinili ko! Feeling ko tuloy hindi appropriate ang suot ko sa firm dahil sa mga tingin ng mga empleyado.

Napalingon sa akin ang mga empleyado nang maglakad ako patungo sa office ni Atty. Rivas. Ngumiti ako sa iilang bumati. Kilala na ako ng sekretarya ni Clyde kaya agad niya akong pinagbuksan ng pinto.

When I went inside, Clyde wasn't around. Or that was what I thought. My eyes drifted on the glass where his name was written. Atty. Clyde Amadeus D. Rivas.

"Good afternoon. I'm Atty. Clyde Amadeus-"

"Do you really say that without looking at whoever entered your office?" Clyde raised a brow. His jaw dropped when he saw me. "It's indeed a good afternoon, Atty. Rivas."

"Qamari!" He went to me and welcomed me with a hug. Nagbeso rin kami. "How's your flight?"

"Okay lang, smooth naman. Wala kang appointment ngayon?" Umiling siya sa akin. "Pero may cases ka?"

"Yeah.." My face heated as he scanned my body. He gestured me to sit on the visitor's chair. He went to his swivel chair and continued highlighting. "I need to finish reading this before the day ends."

"Aww, that means I will be alone for the rest of the day. Pumunta pa naman ako rito para ayain kang kumain sa labas. But okay, I can eat without a companion. I'll go shopping, bye-"

"I can read this while you're shopping." Napangisi ako sa sinabi ni Clyde.

"You'd only embarrass yourself! Oh my gosh, I cannot imagine you following me while you are busy reading those papers! I can go by myself-"

"Ms. Garcia, are you underestimating me?" He pressed the intercom. "Samuel, please send me a soft copy of the case of Mr. Chavez."

[Will do that, attorney. May I know why? This is the first time that you'll be using a soft copy-]

"My girl is here, Samuel. She went here. I don't want to waste her time and effort. I'll be going out with her, so send me the copy now." Clyde's lips curved into a small smile. He stared at me. He poked his tongue on the inside of his cheek.

Sabay kaming bumaba ni Clyde sa parking area. Magco-convoy nalang kami. Hinatid niya ako sa kotse ko. Natigil ako sa paglalakad nang makita ang isang pamilyar na pigura. Nakayuko siya at nakasandal sa Porsche Macan na katabi ng kotse ko. May kausap siya sa phone.

Napansin ni Clyde ang pagtigil ko at tiningnan ang lalaki. Huminga ako nang malalim. Dumiretso na ako sa kotse ko, habang si Clyde ay nasa tabi ko. He kissed my forehead before leaving me there to ride his car. Pasimple akong tumingin sa lalaking nakasandal sa Macan. Nakaangat na ang ulo niya ngayon. Nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko nang magtama ang paningin namin ni Ethan.

He looked shocked too. His lips parted. It's been years and I shouldn't feel anything! Bakit ako kinakabahan? Bakit hindi ako makagalaw? Binaba niya ang phone niya. Nag-iwas na ako ng tingin at akmang papasok na sa kotse nang hawakan niya ang palapulsuhan ko.

"Qamari..." The voice that I have forgotten... I just heard it again. "H-how are you?"

Should I answer it?

"I'm fine, Ethan. I need to go." Sa huli, sinagot ko pa rin ang tanong niya. Ayokong magmukhang walang respeto o hindi pa nakakalimot sa nakaraan namin.

"Can we t-talk?" Binitawan niya ang palapulsuhan ko. Hinarap ko siya at tumango. Wala naman sigurong mawawala sa 'kin kung kakausapin ko siya. "I just want to ask if I can visit o-our... your child?"

For a moment, I thought he was a different person. He corrected himself for my own good. I told him before that it wasn't his child. And it was all because I'm blaming him for what happened to my child.

"You can visit my child, Ethan. I won't stop you. Is there anything else that you want to ask or say?" Nakita ko ang kotse ni Clyde. Nakahinto iyon sa tapat ng kotse ko. Mabuti nalang at malawak ang space sa parking area na 'to. Hindi makakaabala si Clyde sa iba.

"I know you're tired of hearing this but I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Qamari." Tumango lang ako sa kaniya. Hindi ko kayang sagutin 'yon. "You can go now... You have a date with Atty. Rivas.." It wasn't a question.

"I'll go first." I gave him a nod before opening the door of the driver's seat. I glanced at him once last time.

"Safe driving," he uttered.

I went inside my car. Inatras ni Clyde ang kotse niya upang bigyan ako ng daan. My tears started to fall as I drove away. I looked at the side mirror to check if Ethan's still there. He was there, standing and watching my car.

My heart ached as I remembered how we spent the past years together. I wiped my tears off with the back of my hand. I hope this will be the last time that I will cry because of him...

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