White Lies and Smiles

9

"Ini-stalk ka ng isang ka-block natin nung isang araw. Nakita niya raw kasi post nung law student na kaibigan mo tapos naka-tag sa 'yo. Ayun, kumalat na jowa mo raw 'yon. Akala ko ba kayo ni Ethan?"

"Magkaibigan lang kami ni Clyde. Bawal na bang i-post ang kaibigan?" Mas lalong lumalim ang gitla sa noo ni Pia. Hindi ba siya naniniwala?

"Qams, 'yung post niya kasi kakaiba sa mga nauna niyang post. Clyde looks like a nice guy. I hope he finds someone who'll like him the way he likes... someone."

When I went out of the room after my last class, I saw Ethan. He was busy with a call. His eyes went up to me and he automatically smiled. I could see dark circles around his eyes. I could see his features getting rougher. He looked stressed.

I went to him and reached for his cheek. He flinched a bit when I did that. I started memorizing the details of his face, afraid that one day I'll lose him. The memories shall live with me if that day happens.

"Just deliver it to my house. Di-" He suddenly stopped. "I'm not with her. Dad, you know that I can't do that. Let's just talk about this tomorrow." He put his phone down and smiled at me.

"Kumusta?" iyon agad ang tanong ko sa kaniya. Hinawakan niya ang palapulsuhan ko at hinapit ako palapit. "Mukha kang pagod, Ethan. Uwi na tayo."

"Qamari, promise me that you won't walk away from me."

"Bakit? Para saan? Hindi naman ako lalayo sa 'yo, Ethan." Yumuko siya at napabuntong-hininga. "May problema ba tayo?"

"Nothing.. I just want to hear you promise." I could hear the sadness in his voice.

"Ethan, I promise... I will never ever walk away from you. Let's go? I want to go home. I want to go home with you. Let's stop thinking negatively, okay?" He nodded but something was really bothering him.

Ethan made me promise that day. But I wonder if he can also promise that he'll be right there for me in each step that I'll make? Ethan made me feel the love I didn't feel with anybody else. I hope he'll do that until the very end.

He intertwined our fingers while holding my hand. We walked like that until we reached his car. I chuckled when Ethan teased me before opening the door for me. Ah, this man.. He knows how to lie... To convince the people around him that he's fine.

The laughs and small arguments inside his car were already enough for me. I had a sudden feeling that one will leave and one will have to stay behind. But I don't want that to happen. I'll fight for us under any circumstances.

"Ethan, gusto ko nando'n ka sa graduation ko. Please? I'll tell you something on that special day. We can make it to my graduation, right?" He glanced at me for a second and smiled.

"Of course, we can. I'll be there. We'll celebrate your achievements together, baby. I'll make sure of that."

After a year, Ethan became more busy. Madalas ay hindi na siya umuuwi sa bahay dahil malayo 'yon sa hospital nila. Naging abala na rin ako dahil malapit na malapit na ako sa katapusan. Maging ang mga tao sa paligid ko ay naging abala at seryoso na.

Sina Pia at Gio naghiwalay na. Sina Clara at Edward ay matalik pa ring magkaibigan. Mas nagkaroon ng time si Pia sa pag-aaral nang maging single siya. Si Clara naman ay mukhang mas lalong napagod sa kurso niya. Si Clyde ay naging busy na rin sa law school kaya bibihira na kami magkita.

Kami ni Ethan? Ayos naman kami, walang nagbago. Consistent ang isang 'yon. Isang bagay na pinagpapasalamat ko.

"Mababaliw na yata ako. Parang ayoko na mag-doctor! Kita ninyo 'tong mukha ko? Halatang kulang na kulang na sa tulog!" reklamo ni David. Naging kaibigan namin siya dahil kay Clara. Wala namang problema sa mukha niya. Mukha naman siyang maayos. Ang kinis pa nga ng balat niya!

"Hoy, ingay mo nanaman, doc!" nang-aasar na sabi ni Clara. "Ako nga hindi na nakakakain minsan, nagreklamo ba ako?!"

"Sus, gusto mo lang magpasubo kay best-"

Napailing nalang ako nang sabunutan siya ni Clara. Ayan nanaman sila. Natawa si Pia nang makabalik sa table namin at nadatnan ang dalawa sa ganoong ayos. Tumabi siya sa akin at binuksan na ang iced coffee bago inabot sa akin.

"Thanks!" masayang saad ko. Ngumiti lang siya sa akin at uminom na sa hawak niyang bote ng yakult.

"Is Ethan treating you right?"

"He is... Why?" Ang random niyang magtanong. Tumipa siya sa phone niya bago lumingon sa akin.

"That's good. Mapapanatag na ako na nasa tamang tao ka. Friends can't be there for you all the time. But we are here, Qamari. Sa ating tatlo, ikaw ang pinakatahimik. If you're dealing with something and you think that you should tell it to someone, we're here. We will understand and we won't judge... Don't be afraid to tell us what's bothering you." Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at pinisil iyon.

"What will you do if a person's hiding something from you?" I'll give it a try... Maybe, Pia can help me.

"Hmm, I'll let them hide it. Everyone has a secret, Qams. But if you think that secret will or can ruin you, then don't be afraid to confront the person or just... go away. You don't deserve someone who will let you overthink." Her brown eyes settled on me. "Is Ethan hiding something?"

"I think it's just his personal problem that he's hiding. I don't think he can do that to me, Pia. I trust Ethan."

"Hay, the things a person would do for someone nga naman. Qamari, if he's not giving you a valid reason for keeping secrets, I bet he's doing something wrong. I don't want you to overthink but that's how it works in most cases." David shrugged and continued teasing Clara.

"Based on experience?" pang-aasar ni Clara kay David. The latter playfully rolled his eyes, confirming it. "'Di nga? Totoo? Share naman diyan!"

"Matagal na 'yon. Saka may crush na 'ko ngayon. Magdo-doktor din." Ngumiti si David na para bang iniisip ang crush niya.

"Wow, sana all!" Pumalakpak pa si Clara. Bigla siyang bumaling sa akin at sumeryoso. "Sa tingin mo may tinatago sa 'yo si Ethan? Gano'n naman 'ata talaga silang magkapatid. Mahilig magtago! Sabi ni Edward sa 'kin hindi naman daw 'yon sa wala siyang tiwala sa akin or may ginagawa siyang masama. Ayaw niya lang na ma-stress din ako."

Gano'n din kaya si Ethan o may iba ba siyang rason sa pagtatago niya ng mga bagay sa akin? Gulong-gulo na ako..

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