White Lies and Smiles

14

"Mag-FLAMES tayo!" aya ko kay Ethan. Kumunot ang noo ni Ethan habang abala sa computer na nasa harap niya. Saglit niya akong nilingon. "Hindi mo ba 'yon alam?"

"What's that? Is that a food?"

"Huh?" Hindi ko nakuha ang sinabi niya. Kailan pa naging pagkain 'yon?

"Like flamin' hot Cheetos, you know?" seryosong sagot niya. Bahagya pang nagsalubong ang mga kilay.

Natigilan ako saglit bago nagpakawala ng isang matunog na tawa. Nasa akin na ang buong atensyon ngayon ni Ethan. I made a peace sign because I couldn't stop laughing. Hindi ko alam, baka parte pa 'to ng pagbubuntis!

"Why are you laughing so hard, Aia? What's so funny? Hmm?" I stopped laughing when I noticed his position. His right elbow was resting on the table while his cheek was placed on his fist. His head was a bit tilted as if he was so curious. "What is it?"

"Laro kasi 'yung FLAMES..." I said in a soft voice. I played with my fingers when he suddenly stood up.

He walked towards the couch I was sitting in. He sat beside me and placed a leg on the couch with his arm draping over the backrest. He was just staring at me, waiting for me to talk more.

"It's like a c-compatibility test usually played by children. We'll write our names and check if it's friends, lovers, affair, marriage, enemies, or sweethearts." He left me there and when he came back, he handed me a paper and a pen. "Okay, let's do this!"

I smiled at Ethan when the paper said marriage! I leaned against his body and kissed his jaw.

"It's marriage? Try it again—"

"Why? You don't want us to get married?" Lumayo ako sa kaniya at umaktong nagtatampo. He looked away, smiling. When he looked at me again, I glared at him. He looked up, obviously stifling a smile. "Ethan!"

"I have a meeting in a few." He glanced at me and winked. He stood up, fixing his dress shirt. Nanatili ang masama kong tingin sa kaniya. He must've felt that. Nilingon niya ako at tumawa siya. He cupped my face and gave me a forehead kiss.

"Forehead kiss, really?"

Ethan handed me a glass of water. I drank it while watching him. His hair was as messy as his dress shirt. He left his shirt unbuttoned and untucked. He put his belt on again and continued doing stuff on his laptop. He glanced at me and smiled.

I stayed on the couch, lying there. It was good, but not that good for my weak legs. With Ethan, even when it is not rough and fast, you'd lose your ability to walk for days.

Niyakap ko si Pia nang awayin ako ni Clara. Tumatawa naman siyang sumaway kay Clara. Binelatan ko si Clara at bumalik sa puwesto ko kanina. Kanina pa ako iniinis!

"Huwag mo na nga, Clara! Buntis 'yan, sinasabi ko sa 'yo mahirap kalaban 'yan. Kapag 'yan na-stress, yari tayo kay Ethan." Ngumiti ako sa sinabi ni Pia. May pagmamalaki ang ngiting iyon.

"Sus, ngiti now, iyak later 'yan! Wala akong tiwala sa Ethan na 'yon. Ipupusta ko kapatid niya, lolokohin ka niyang si Ethan-"

"Clara, sabing tigilan mo na, e. Hindi 'yon magloloko si Ethan. Itigil mo na 'yang masamang pag-iisip tungkol sa kaniya." Sumimangot si Clara at tumigil din. "Qams, kapag may kailangan ka, sabihin mo lang sa akin. Alam mo naman na kumikita ako sa pagra-raket ko."

"Paano kapag ako may kailangan, pre?" Inirapan ni Pia si David. "Ang sama!"

Ethan became more busy with everything that was keeping him out of my line. Minsan hindi na siya nakakauwi sa bahay. Minsan iba na ang sumasama sa akin kapag may gusto akong bilhin para sa cravings ko.

I tried to be understanding. Kasi si Ethan 'yon. But little did I know, our relationship was slowly getting there... Where at any point it may end.

"Ethan, trabaho nanaman?" Tumango siya at napabuntong-hininga. "Halos palagi ka nalang wala rito."

"I'm sorry, baby. Babawi ako, okay? After I finish everything, I'll make it up to you." He went to me to kiss my forehead. "I'm so sorry."

"Is there a problem with work? Puwede mo naman sabihin. Makikinig ako-"

"Aia, I have to go now. We'll just talk about it some other time."

It was already 4 in the morning when Ethan came back. I pretended to be asleep. I hugged the pillow tightly when I felt the mattress move. I knew it was Ethan. I felt his warm kiss on my cheek.

I didn't move even when I heard him sobbing. I wanted so badly to hug him, but he didn't deserve that. Because I'm also hurt by whatever he is hiding.

"I'm just scared, Qamari. I don't want to lose you. I don't want anything or anyone to ruin what we built." I held the pillow tightly when I felt like crying. Especially when I felt his gentle caress on my hair. "I wanted so bad to sleep with you and feel our baby kicking now and then. But I can't—I need to fix my mess."

Whatever that may be, I thought I still had the right to know what it was. Those doubts, curiosity, and little lies were like hunters in the wild. They went after me. They chased me.

I smiled at Ethan when he wrapped his arm around me. He hugged me from the back while I was fixing his paperwork. He caressed my tummy and planted a kiss on my nape. I hit his arm to tell him to stop. He got it and laughed.

"You're so quiet today. What's wrong?" I could ask him the same question every night. Because at night, the room is silent. "Aia?"

"I'm just focused on fixing these papers, sorry." His arms went up to my chest. He hugged me tightly. "Ethan, kailangan kong gawin ang trabaho ko."

"I didn't tell you to work-"

"But this is my job-"

"When did it become your job? You're carrying our child. Do you think I'd let the mother of my child work?" Because of what he's doing, I forgot that I am not an employee here. "Aia, if there is anything you want to say, tell me."

"Wala akong gustong sabihin, Ethan."

Kasi siya iyong dapat magsalita, hindi ako. Sa kaniya dapat magmula ang paliwanag, hindi sa akin.

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