White Lies and Smiles

44

I followed Qamari while we were in the grocery store. Tulak-tulak ko ang cart habang naghahanap siya ng ilalagay ro'n.

"Are you tired already?" I asked her when I noticed how she put a hand on her lower back. She shook her head, still walking straight. "Tell me if you're tired, okay?"

"Ethan, ayan ka nanaman. Buntis lang ako pero kaya ko pang gawin iyong mga ginagawa ko dati."

"But according to Dr. Asun-"

"Bakit, si doktora ba ang buntis, Ethan? Ako 'yung buntis, nararamdaman ko naman kapag hindi na ako okay." I wanted to laugh at that but I didn't want to make her cry. I know how sensitive pregnant women can be. Instead, I held her waist to support her. "Buti wala kang trabaho ngayon."

"Why? You want me to be busy again?" The crease on her forehead doubled, making me laugh. "I was just kidding! I also don't want that. I want to spend more time on my baby and our baby."

"Lies," she uttered without stuttering. She laughed and smiled at me sweetly. "I trust you, Ethan. I know you wouldn't lie to me for a small reason."

I felt like I was the greatest sinner by hiding the truth from her. When will it end? When will I be able to hold Qamari with no guilt?

Good thing our driver told me that Qamari asked him to drive her to the church. I sat in the seat behind her. I watched her as she sat there and talked to God in silence. Only Qamari was left inside the church. I wonder what she was praying for.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at nagdasal din. Pinagdasal ko na dinggin ang mga dasal ni Qamari. Kahit hindi na pakinggan iyong iba kong dasal.

Please help me find the end of this desolation. And let me be the man she deserves. I want to love her with no lies that I must keep to myself. I want to freely love her. If telling her the truth will only torment her, I will be the biggest sinner for I do not wish to see her suffer.

When I opened my eyes, I saw how Qamari's shoulders moved. It was a sign that she was crying. I stood up and moved to the space beside her. I started wiping her tears with my handkerchief. When she looked at me with woebegone eyes, I knew I had done her so badly.

I caged her in a hug. She rested her forehead on my shoulder. I felt her tiredness and pain when she gripped my shirt.

"Qamari... Am I making you cry?"

"J-just... stay..." Hearing her voice crack was enough for me to shed tears too. I wiped them off while she couldn't see them.

It has become a habit of mine to watch Aia do her own thing. After those tears we shed, we slowly began a new chapter of our life together. The lies were still there, but Aia and I started to make time for each other. Especially for the moments we needed each other the most.

I watched Aia while she was doing her skincare. I poked the inside of my cheek with my tongue. How can my Aia be this beautiful? I slid my hands on her tummy and hugged her from the back.

"Eian... Should we give him another name? But Eian Garcia Hernandez sounds great already." I gently pulled her closer to my body. "What do you think?"

"Hmm... Gawin din kaya nating EJ? 'Yun ang palayaw ninyong mga Hernandez, 'di ba?" She looked at me for a bit. I nodded and smiled. "Jacob? Jaxon? Joseph?"

"Jacob sounds nice." I kissed her temple. "I can't believe I'm having my first little Hernandez. And it's with my beautiful woman."

"Bolero!" I laughed at that. "Alam mo ba, noong isang araw, nanonood ako ng mga dapat gawin kapag ganito ganiyan. Ayaw ko kasing dumating sa point na kapag may nangyari sa anak natin, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I know some first aid procedures because I learned them when I was in the cabin crew training. Pero ewan ko ba, nakakatakot kapag sariling anak mo na."

"Nothing bad will happen to our kid," I whispered. I caressed her hands with my thumb. I let the tip of my nose touch her ear. "I'm also here, Aia. My career is aligned with the field of medicine."

"Can I flex that to the other people? That I have a man who's in the medical field?" I couldn't stop my smile when she caressed my jaw. She faced me to kiss my lips. "Can I do that? Can I tell them that you're my man?"

"I've been your man since our first night, didn't I?" I held her chin. I bit my lower lip to stifle a smile. But in the end, I gave up, because the side of my lips rose. I caressed her lips to part them. "I've been yours since then. You didn't even have to ask for it."

I pouted when I failed to catch the crab. Qamari laughed at me. I sat beside her and stared at her face. She looked genuinely happy. I looked at what she was writing on the sand. I couldn't help but smile when I saw our names there. She playfully threw sand on my shorts. I squinted my eyes at her. She just smiled at me like how she used to smile.

"Do you miss riding airplanes?" I asked her. Hindi pa gaanong katagal nung magsimula siyang magtrabaho. She glanced at me and nodded. "I'm sure they'll still accept you after you give birth."

"Sana nga. Pero alam mo, okay lang naman sa akin kung hindi na. Marami pang paliparan diyan. Uunahin ko muna ang anak natin."

"Thank you, Aia." For everything. For these sacrifices that you make for us. For staying and trying to understand me.

"I'm doing this for our baby, so you shouldn't thank me." I held her jaw and kissed her. I smiled when she looked around after that kiss. I'd kiss her over and over again if only I wasn't guilty of lying to her. "Nambibigla ka naman!"

I cannot count how many times I lied to Qamari. I felt that she knew I did but she still stayed. Once I find the right answers, I'll tell you everything, Qamari.

Sinenyasan ko si doktora na huwag sabihin. Wala pang alam si Qamari na gusto ko na siyang pakasalan. She looked so innocent while sitting on the chair and listening to her doctor. Dr. Asuncion on the the hand looked like she was admiring Qamari.

I mean, who wouldn't admire my woman? She's beyond that beautiful face of hers. She's determined in everything she does. She's quiet but can be a very big asset. She could do anything if she wanted.

"Doc, na-in love ka na ba?" I teased Dr. Asuncion. She glanced at me and I sensed how badly she wanted to tease me back. "You sound like you were once... very in love."

"May appointment pa pala ako pagkatapos ninyo. Mag-aayos pa ako." I laughed at that. "Next time ko na 'yan sasagutin. Kapag kasal na kayo."

I'll make sure we get to that. I'll make sure I marry Qamari Xaia Garcia.

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