White Lies and Smiles

43

"It's marriage? Try it again—"

"Why? You don't want us to get married?" I was planning to marry her. When my mess is already gone, I'll marry her. "Ethan!"

I knew how much it affected Qamari. Hindi ko ginusto na saktan siya sa ganitong paraan. But I knew the truth would only hurt her more.

"Any progress with the case?" Atty. Valencia sighed and shook her head. I knew what it meant. "What should I do? Anything... Just not something that will involve her."

"Mr. Hernandez, we cannot proceed with the case if walang enough evidence. Only Ms. Garcia knows what your state was when the incident happened. Mas lalo tayong mahihirapan sa kaso ngayong lumabas na ang DNA test results." She slid a folder to my side. "Sample testimonials."

"Will they not believe me if I tell them that I was a victim?" Atty. Valencia looked surprised by my question.

"We cannot control the society, Mr. Hernandez. Kung ako ay naniniwala na biktima ka, ibahin mo sila. They will only use your gender to make it look like Ms. Perez is the victim. That's the unfair and injustice system of our society today."

When will people wake up and realize that men can be victims too? When will society stop favoring one gender?

I started fixing my things for work. I glanced at Qamari and saw her watching me. I continued organizing my things. I need to work again.

"Ethan, trabaho nanaman?" Tumango ako at napabuntong-hininga. "Halos palagi ka nalang wala rito."

"I'm sorry, baby. Babawi ako, okay? After I finish everything, I'll make it up to you." I went to her to kiss her forehead. "I'm so sorry."

"Is there a problem with work? Puwede mo naman sabihin. Makikinig ako-"

"Aia, I have to go now. We'll just talk about it some other time."

I wasn't lying to Aia when I said it was work I'd go to. I had to work hard to make money. I wanted to provide her with everything she needed. Kahit doon man lang, maibigay ko sa kaniya ang lahat.

It was already 4 in the morning when I came home. I saw Aia sleeping. I sat on the bed and kissed her cheek. I couldn't control my tears when they fell from my eyes.

"I'm just scared, Qamari. I don't want to lose you. I don't want anything or anyone to ruin what we built." I caressed her hair. "I wanted so bad to sleep with you and feel our baby kicking now and then. But I can't—I need to fix my mess."

I hugged Qamari while she was organizing my papers. I kissed her nape and tightened the hug. She was quiet and I think I know why. But I still wanted to be okay, hoping that it was not me making her silent.

Even though, at night, I hear her cry. I hear her sobs clearly. But all I could do was listen because I was guilty.

Nanatiling tahimik si Qamari habang yakap-yakap ko siya. Hindi gano'n ang katahimikan na gusto ko. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na may mali ako. If only a simple sorry would be enough, I would've said it repeatedly. But I knew it wouldn't cover the scars I carved on her. It wouldn't stop the bleeding.

"You're so quiet today. What's wrong?" I felt her stiffened a bit at that question. "Aia?"

"I'm just focused on fixing these papers, sorry." I moved my arms up to her chest. I hugged her tightly, feeling the warmth of her body. "Ethan, kailangan kong gawin ang trabaho ko."

"I didn't tell you to work-"

From the moment she stepped into my house, I never asked her to work. The reason why I offered her money was because I wanted to share my money with her. I wanted to share all of me with her.

"But this is my job-"

"When did it become your job? You're carrying our child. Do you think I'd let the mother of my child work? Aia, if there is anything you want to say, tell me."

"Wala akong gustong sabihin, Ethan."

"Okay. But if you have something to say, I'll listen. You know, I'm your number one listener." I kissed her temple thrice. I love you. "I'll stay with you, baby."

"Thank you for that..."

"Qamari, remember when you told me that you'd tell me something on your graduation day? Did you forget about it?" She faced me. She smiled sweetly. "What is it? I want to know."

"Nakalimutan ko na nga, eh! Sa susunod nalang kapag naalala ko na." Did you really forget? Or are you trying to hide it from me? "Promise, sasabihin ko kapag naalala ko na."

"Okay then, I'll wait."

I looked through the rings. Even when I saw diamonds in it, I thought it wouldn't matter that much. I need something that'll forever assure my Aia.

In the end, I had two rings customized. Aia's lover was engraved on my ring. I have loved her the moment I saw her innocent eyes that night. I wanted to be her lover. I knew from then that I wasn't the only one who'd love that woman. But it didn't stop me from loving her. Because of that, I wanted to prove to her that I was the man for her.

"Doktora, what do you think of these rings?" I opened the boxes to show the rings to Dr. Asuncion. "Balak ko sanang mag-propose kay Qamari kapag nanganak na siya. How should I propose to her? Wala akong maisip na magandang idea."

"Ethan, even if you propose to her in your bedroom, if she loves you and she's ready, she'll say yes. Hindi mo kailangang magkaroon ng bonggang proposal. By the way, these rings scream simplicity. But the meaning of it? It's beyond great!" Dr. Asuncion smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up. "She'll love these, Ethan!"

"Something's stopping me, Doc. The case... I wish it could just end faster. I wish the results were different."

"Ethan, naniniwala ka ba na anak mo talaga 'yon? If you were with Qamari that night, how could it be possible for something to happen?"

"That's why I am trying to find answers, Doc. Hindi rin talaga ako naniniwala. But every time I try to do a secret DNA test, it seems like someone is messing with me. I need to prove that someone is actually stopping me from knowing the truth." I leaned on the couch. I bit my lower lip for a minute. "I love Aia, but this isn't the right time to tell her that. If she finds out the truth, she'll only think that loving her is a joke."

"Alam ko na mahal na mahal mo siya. I hope you find the justice you need soon. And I hope justice prevails before Qamari finds out about the issue on her own."

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