Stand.

Pleasant Suprises

I walked in to my flat to find all the lights save the one in the hallway, off. I looked around a bit confused.

"Louis?" I called out, there was no reply. With a quickened pace from sudden realisation I walked to my bedroom. When I opened the door my worried face turned to a smile. In the light from the hall, Louis sleeping face was illuminated. I smiled and gently walked up and kneeled down. I moved the hair from his face and he snored lightly. I put my hand on his cheek and he smiled and moulded his face into it. My heart fluttered the hundredth time that day. I smiled and slowly removed my hand from his face. Then I walked to the bathroom to get a shower and clean up.

I stood in my balcony staring at the town ahead. It was late so it was mostly dark, except the street lamps. I turned and picked up the glass and the wine bottle I got from the kitchen and poured me a glass. I picked it up in my hands and turned to the same view again. Soon I heard the door of the balcony slide open. I didn't need to turn to know who it was.

"I grew up in a city." I said without turning back. "It was never dark there, looking at it from a height like this? As far as your eyes could go all you saw was illumination." I said then took a sip. I heard the door slide close again.

"London is always lit, you can see it from my window." I heard his voice right behind me, inches from my ears. His voice sounded husky and deeper, probably because of just waking up. I took in a sharp breathe. "I grew up in a town like this, not far from here actually, I wasn't even high up enough to see the lights." I could feel his warm breathe in my hair. I just hummed, too distracted to speak. I lifted my glass to take a sip as I felt his arm snake around my belly; I almost choked on my wine. He tightened his grip and pulled me in closer, if I wasn't the little nimble I was, I probably would have dropped the glass from my hand. He bend down and gently just placed his lips on my neck, my eyes fluttered shut and my lips parted.

"Happy Birthday, love." I just nodded. He smiled then kissed the skin behind my ear and then placed his chin on my shoulder and looked up. He put both arms around me and tightened again like we could be any closer than we already were. He sighed and I smiled at how comfortable this felt. I thanked him and he kissed my hair.

"So what did you do then?" I asked after a while of just standing like that.

"Do what?" He questioned confused.

"You couldn't see the lights, so what did you do?" I asked, clearer this time.

"How are you certain I did anything about it?" He asked as he chuckled again. I thought about it for a moment.

"I don't know. Did you though?" I asked turning my head to face him, he looked at me, his hair was a mess and his eyes were sleepy but bright blue.

"I aimed for the stars instead." He said as he stared into my eyes. I smiled at him; he looked deep in thought, like my eyes held something from a long time ago. "Do you know how infuriated and amazing you are?" He says still looking.

"Excuse me?" I ask with a laugh. He laughed with me.

"I can never decide on what you're thinking. And when I do, you do something so different. It's infuriating because I don't know what to do around you. It's amazing because I've never in my life met someone like you." I let out a laugh and looked up front and raised my glass for a sip. He let go and stood beside me. I turned to look at him and then handed him the glass. He grinned and took a long sip then handed me the almost empty glass. I turned to pick up the bottle and poured a lot more this time, enough for two. I turned back and took another sip.

"The sky is the same wherever you go. I look at what was on the ground because I didn't want it to be what I saw all my life. I wanted to get out from there and I did, now I have something else to see, lights or no lights I'm closer to what I want." I said with surprising amount of honesty. At the back of my mind I knew I shouldn't tell someone who isn't supposed to know me at all so much. But that voice felt unsure.

"What do you want?" He asked, I could feel his gaze on me.

"I want to pack a bag and leave, I want to cook and paint my way through Europe. I want to teach in Africa, build houses in Indonesia. I want to eat the weirdest things with the prettiest names and even better taste in Paris, do those insane food challanges in American diners that have been around longer than my great grandfather. I want to learn languages in the places I go, speak to locals and experience what it's like in every place, feel it in my bones. What I want, is to be free." I said and took a deep breathe, I didn't realise I was blabbering. He probably didn't even understand what I said at the speed I talk in sometimes. I blushed, but he looked at me with a smile.

"Do it then." He simply said, I laughed and took a sip of my wine.

"It's not that simple." I stated with a sigh, I said so much.

"Of course it is, pack a bag get out the door and just run. No don't run you aren't hiding, just walk. Slowly and surely just leave." He said with a serious face that he tried hiding with a smile after. "If you don't want roots, don't pretend you have them." His voice sounded a little hurt.

"I can't just get up and leave, I'm reckless not impractical. I have things I have to do, people I have to take care. I have a mother who did all she could to get me where I am, a little sister to take care of. All my father gave me was perseverance and a lot of shit to overcome. But my mother gave me her adamancy, I got out, I proved a point. Now I have to take care of the people who helped me get here. I have friends who love me and are there with me, I have to be there for them as well. I'm selfish enough to be well off, but I can't be selfish enough to hurt loved ones for it. My roots aren't large in number, but they are strong Louis, I don't just give up, pack up and leave." I took a long sip of my wine, I tipped the glass back and realised I finished the glass.

"You're the elder sibling?" He asked, I nodded after a laugh, that's what he mentions after all that? He looks at me and speaks. "Felling like you have to protect them? I know that, I understand. And I'm sure your mum needed your strength even though she never said anything, they always do. They want to be strong for us and we have to be strong for them. And having siblings means you have to always be the strong one, hide the pain so they can depend on you. Doesn't leave much for yourself does it? You pretend for the longest time, and then someday you don't even know what the real you is feeling. Being practical makes sense then, do what seems right, you can't listen to a heart that doesn't even know what it wants." I turned to look at him, this time he was already looking at me. A fleeting thought passed my mind like a car on a highway, my heart knew what it wanted, maybe for the first time. I coughed and awkwardly looked away. I poured more wine. I handed him the glass and lifted the bottle.

"Cheers to another year of necessary obligations and practicality." I raised my bottle.

"Here's to a new year and pleasant suprises." He said and touched his glass to my bottle. I didn't say anything, just turned.