Let's Meet Again, For the First Time (Eren x OC)

32

I was home alone, basking in the silence.

I missed my sister, she was leaving in a month and I've seen her twice this past week. I knew she was happy and in love, but it hurt not being able to talk to her when I needed it.

There are just some things you need your sister for, and I needed her right now.

After Eren's performance and the videos that got around, people were talking about him. Which was great, he needed the attention he deserved for his art. I was happy to see him getting praised for his music.

But the more people talked about him, the more they talked about me. It made me anxious, and I didn't like it.

But I wasn't going to be selfish. I wasn't going to take that away from him. I'd put up with it, because it's something that makes him happy.

No matter how much it took from me, it gave him more.

And I'd sit here fighting with my mind if it meant his happiness.

But I needed my sister, I needed someone to know.

So I pushed it away, as far back as I could. For it to return at night when I close my eyes.

And it takes me for the night.

If I couldn't talk about it, maybe I could write about it.

Once you start thinking about things, you worry as whether you have thought enough. Did you really take all the details into consideration? Was every fact properly reviewed? The more you think about it, the more you realize.

You really couldn't take everything into consideration, because all the variables in any human decision are incalculable. So you get anxiety, and this is the price you pay.

For knowing that you know. For being able to think about thinking. To feel about feeling.

A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. So they lose touch with reality, and live in a world of illusions.

By thoughts I mean specifically, chatter in the skull, perpetual and compulsive repetition of words of reckoning and calculating.

I'm not saying that thinking is bad. Like everything else is useful in moderation. A good servant but a bad master.

And also caused civilized peoples have increasingly become crazy and self destructive. To excessive thinking they have lost touch with reality.

We confuse science with the real world.

Most of us would have rather money than tangible wealth. And a great occasion is somehow spoiled for us unless photographed, and to read about the next day in the news, is oddly more fun for us than the original event.

This is a disaster.

For as a result of confusing the real world of nature, with mere science. We are destroying nature. We are so tied up in our minds that we've lost our senses.

Time to wake up.

What is reality? Obviously no one can say, because it isn't words. It isn't material, that's just an idea.

Reality is what you make of it.

I'm not trying to put you down, it's an expression in you are you are. One must live. We need to survive, to go on.

We must go on.

I sighed and looked at the page filled with words.
That's all they were...words.

I'm tired of thinking, I'm tired of the anxious thoughts clouding my mind. Reality began to blur between the lines of words I was writing.