Let's Meet Again, For the First Time (Eren x OC)

63

Dad.

(song rec: Each Coming Night- Iron & Wine)

I had spent my first days in remission at home. I stayed in Spencer's bed most days. Unable to do much else. Eren and Bec checked on me every now and then, to make sure I was still alive I presume.

It's been a month now. A month without my first daughter. The days felt like years as time passed. I could work, eating was difficult. The only place that felt comforting was her bed.

I liked to be in her room because it was the closest I felt to her. My child was gone, and I didn't even know she was leaving. The sorrow had passed, now all I felt was emptiness. An indescribable emptiness that swallowed your mind and body.

Nothing in this world could compare to this pain. It was unbearable. Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children. I kept some of her small things around the house, to remind me of her.

There were so many things she hasn't done. It was far too soon for her end. She was supposed to start her life with Eren, buy a house, publish a book. Have her first child.

My first grandchild.

I sobbed empty tears in her bed, holding on to the last few memories of her. Why does a 22 year old girl get an inoperable brain aneurysm and a 56 year old man can beat cancer twice?

Why did the universe take her from me so soon? She's supposed to grow old and remember me first. Why do I get to live and she doesn't? I was the sick one, why he take her?

I felt guilt. Like it should've been my life. She was too young. She was just starting her life. And it was ripped from her hands. My heart ached, my soul was missing. My little girl was gone forever.

I watched old VHS videos of her as a baby. I watched her grow up over and over again. Just to hear her voice. To see that big smile of hers that could light up an entire galaxy.

I just wish I could've known when to say goodbye. Because I would've held her so tightly, that not even god can take her from my arms. I'd hold onto her and not let go until the bomb in her head ceased to exist. I'd hold her and tell her how much I love her, and that everything is going to be okay.

I'd do what a father is supposed to do. Protect his daughter.

But she was gone now. She was leaving while she was sitting right next to me. Looking into my eyes as if she would find tomorrow. That she had a life to live. But I understand why. I know why she did what she did.

Because I did the same thing.

I didn't want to be a corpse, and neither did she. She didn't want to spend her last days of life in a hospital bed, watching the people she loves cry until she's finally gone. She wanted to live, she wanted to stay in the light for as long as time would allow. She wanted to watch the sunrise every morning, just to see it's beauty one last time. She wanted to love.

I'm glad she lived her last few days with love. Because no one wants to die in a hospital bed. They want to die at home. Where all the love is.

A knock on my door caused me to pause the home video. I answered it and it was Eren. "I'm alive, don't worry", I sighed, "I have something for you", he said, puzzling me.

He handed me an envelop, the name written on the white paper; Dad.

"Is it-...", I looked to him, he nodded softly, a small smile across his lips. "Have a good night", he said kindly, "Goodnight son".

I sat on the sofa and opened the letter. My heart beginning to beat again for the first time since I lost her.

It read:

Dad,

I'm sorry. I know you're sad, and probably angry. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I hoped you'd understand, you know, not telling me you're sick and all. I think you know that I didn't want to be a rotting corpse. That I wanted to love instead.

I smiled, knowing I was right. That's my Spencer.

I was lucky, I was so lucky to have you as a dad. All the things you did for me and Bec. You were always there, you showed up to every practice, every game. You did it all. You held my hand when I cut my knee, and you told me that I'd be okay. You hugged me when I messed up. You told me that, 'it happened it's over, tomorrow will come'.

I remember how proud you were of us. Always bragging no matter what. You tell people, 'Yeah my daughter's a bartender', and you said it so proudly, like I was some CEO. Any chance you'd get, you'd brag about how amazing your daughters are. Even if we weren't sure what we wanted, or where we wanted to go. You'd always be there to cheer us on, no matter what the case.

You were there, you supported us through everything. Even if you didn't agree, you just said 'if it makes you happy'. And god I can't tell you how grateful I am to have had a dad like you. Because I don't know who the hell I'd be if it wasn't for you.

I don't think I ever told you that. So I'm saying it now.

Thank you for being my rock. For showing up at a bar at 3 am to pick me up, just to make sure I get home safe. Letting me cry when it hurt, and telling me that 'it's okay'. For all the times I shouted, 'I hate you' and you just stood there, knowing I was full of shit.

One shitty parent is better than two, so thank you for not being a shitty parent.

I chuckled at her comment.

I am who I am because of you. And I'm proud of it. You accepted me when no one else would, when the world felt like it was ending. You were always right there by my side. Telling me that tomorrow will come, the world isn't over just yet.

I want you to remember the times we had. When I first started writing and you critiqued me so harshly and we got into a big argument, and you came into my room 20 minuets later with a cupcake. Or when we'd scream your favorite songs in the car when I was a kid. Right after one of Bec and I'd softball games when we'd beg for pizza and you'd hold out so long just to torture us. And that time we egged one of my ex boyfriends cars together. That was really fun.

So please remember me for who I am, not who I was. And if you're ever missing me, or lonely, just look up at the sky. I'm hoping I'll be up there to shine for you. I'll be the brightest star in the night sky I bet. Maybe even brighter than the sun? Let me know.

I love you dad, I always will. Never forget that.

With all the love possible,

Spencer

I wiped the tears from my eyes and set the letter down. My heart was beating again. Knowing that she thought about her legacy, what she was leaving behind on this earth.

And this is what she left, her soul.

Something to remember her mind, the way she thinks. Because anyone can remember a face, that's just memories. But with words, words from their soul. That's what you miss the most, who they are. The person they will always be in your memory.

I'm lucky to have had a daughter like Spencer. She was my first born child, the love I have for her cannot compare to anything in this world. I will love her soul until my heart stops beating.

I walked to the large window and looked up to the starry sky. And I saw her, shining just as bright as the moon. Smiling while she lit up the entire universe.

"You made it to tomorrow"