Sabigiyuu ||oneshots||

🍃Shitpost🍃

Therapy with shinobu

Shinobu: imagine someone handed you a box full of the things you've lost over the years.

Uzui: Ayy my hand! Oo! My eye too!

Rengoku: My stomach- MY RICE BALL! UMAI.

Mitsuri: my arms..... *Gasp* IT'S MY FAVORITE DRESS!

Obanai: ... Moving on.

Tanjiro: My Family! I missed you! ... *sNiFflE*

Zenitsu: Box?... NEZUKO CHANNNN!~

Inoske: *Suprised pikachu face* My childhood!

Sabito: Heyyy it's my life! Long time no see.

Giyuu: oh hey, it's my old teddy bear!

Shinobu: finally... A normal one-

Giyuu: Tsutako?! It's been forever! Oh, My virginity too! *stares at Sabito*

Shinobu: .... I think we're done for today.

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Zenitsu: How do i get revenge on my enemies?

Tanjiro: the best revenge is letting go and living life to the fullest.

Zenitsu:

Zenitsu: Giyuu, how do i get revenge on my enemies?

Giyuu: head. Katana. Done.

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Giyuu: what are you? Twelve?

Sabito: on a scale of 1 to 10, yes.

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Shinobu: when i die, my tombstone won't say R.I.P, it'll say V.I.P.

Sanemi: because you have a special place reserved in hell.

Giyuu: yeah, the throne.

*Shinobu and giyuu high five*

Sanemi: what the fu-

Mitsuri: *chokes on dango*

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Sabito: stress isn't good for the baby.

Giyuu: what baby?-

Sabito: me. I'm the baby.

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Shinobu: Giyuu, can you pass the salt?

Giyuu: *throws Sanemi across the table*

Sanemi: YOU BI-

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Robber: Hand over the money or I'll shoot!

Shinobu: Bold of you to assume i have money.

Giyuu: Bold of you to assume i wanna live.

Tanjiro: ... I think we need to talk...

Zenitsu: *hugging tanjiro's leg while crying*

Tanjiro: like... Right now.

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Mitsuri: is 4 a lot?

Shinobu: depends on the context

Shinobu: Dollars? No

Giyuu: murders? Yes

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Kagaya: i have a great memory, name one time i forgot something.

Sanemi: you forgot me in the middle of the forest

Kagaya: i did that on purpose, try again my child

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Zenitsu: i can't believe i said 'neat'...

Sabito: That's not so bad. Remember when Giyuu confessed to me?

Zenitsu: Didn't you thank him?

Sabito: *stares at the table* I fucking thanked him.

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Muzan: i invited you into the woods because i crave the most dangerous game~

Sabito & Tanjiro: *nodding* knife monopoly.

Muzan: i was actually gonna hunt you for sport but I'm interested in whatever knife monopoly is-

Giyuu: SABITO, WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING TANJIRO!?

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Tanjiro: what's the first thing you notice when a guy approaches you?

Giyuu: the floor.

Sanemi: the fucking audacity.

Shinobu: Ugly habits that i can make fun of.

Tanjiro: i-

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Sanemi: Giyuu sneezed earlier today and instead of 'bless you' i accidentally said 'fuck you'...

Sabito: how the fuck did you accidentally say 'fuck you' to my boyfriend???

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Sabito: i think I'm inlove with you giyuu...

Giyuu:

Giyuu: Sabito. We're literally married.

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I need ideas-