Sabigiyuu ||oneshots||

🍃Shitpost, but it's Yandere Sabi🍃

Sabito teaching tanjiro how to drive

Sabito: So you're driving and Giyuu and shinobu walk onto the road. What do you hit?

Tanjiro: The brakes!

Sabito: no. You hit shinobu.

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Sabito: Any news?

Doctor: I'm just waiting for your x-ray

Sabito: But I've never dated anyone named ray

Doctor: we might need a brain scan too...

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Sabito: i told Giyuu that his ears turn red when he lies, so now i can directly tell if he's lying.

Makomo: How?

Sabito: watch.

Sabito: Hey Giyuu! Do you love me?

Giyuu: *covers his ears* No

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Giyuu teaching tanjiro about dinosaurs and using their friends as an example.

Giyuu: why can't dinosaurs clap?

Tanjiro: because their arms are too shor–

Sabito: because they're dead.

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Sabito and giyuu texting

Giyuu: what are you, Three?

Sabito: Yeah, three heads taller than you

Giyuu: If only that represented your dick size.

Sabito knocking violently on Giyuu's door

Sabito: SAY IT TO MY FACE YOU COWARD

Giyuu: How did you get my address–

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Shinobu: Sabito, in your professional opinion, how will i die?

Sabito: murder. You throat will be slit.

Shinobu: oddly specific...

Giyuu: *raises hand in question*

Sabito: You'll die by anal.

Mitsuri: *spits out her boba* Excuse!??

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Would you rather

Tanjiro: Sabito, would you rather stab Shinobu–

Sabito: Stab shinobu.

Tanjiro: I didn't even say the other option...

Sabito: i know, I'd still stab Shinobu.

Shinobu: not gonna lie... I'm feeling a bit unsafe here. anyone else feeling the same way?

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Random girl: ah, Giyuu i have the hiccups!