THE BLACK WIDOW

CHAPTER TWENTY

Through her mother's help, Sonia moved to another neighbourhood; into a two-bedroom apartment, far away from her ex-in- laws. She got a month's leave from work so that she could settle back into a normal life, receive therapy and come back well adjusted. Now that her leave was over, she was more than glad to go back to work and bury herself in it. The many visits to the therapist helped her to cope with her grief, to reduce the overwhelming guilt that wanted to suffocate her to death, and the excruciating pain of knowing she would never see him again on this side of eternity. 

Since she got married and those tragedies befell her, some of her co-workers had secretly nicknamed her "Tragic Queen". But then the secret was no longer that, because it leaked. Sonia ignored them all and tries to focus on her work.

But the thought of Michael and her dead children won't leave her, because every day, she returns to an empty house. It was a painful reminder that she was now a childless widow at such a tender age and within just two years of being married. She was a widow with nothing to come back home for or people to come back home to. Every night she would cry herself to sleep and wonder why she never saw their death coming; why she didn't sense any foul play on the day of the accident; why God would punish her for Mrs. Rogers' evil and why He could not even consider the innocent Michael in all of it.... On and on, her mind would be tormented day and night, but all that does not matter now. The damage was done and nothing could change that.

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Three months after her move into the new house, out of grief and loneliness, Sonia invited her cousin to stay with her. Caroline was interning at the company Sonia was working at, so it made economic sense too for the younger woman to reside with her. One night after coming back from work, Sonia felt so weak and exhausted and quickly dismissed the idea of cooking. But as she opened the door, a delicious aroma came from the kitchen.

"Thank God." Sonia whispered.

"Caroline! I'm back o." She shouted as she sat down to remove her shoes.

The fair skinned and petite young woman with a bright and sweet personality emerged from the kitchen carrying a tray of food. She placed it on the coffee glass coffee table right at the center of the living room.

"Welcome back sister. I knew you will be exhausted, so I made supper for our Miss. Workaholic."

Sonia busted into laughter and made a funny face at her.

"Yam and fried eggs!" Sonia exclaimed as she uncovered the dish.

"You are a life saver! Even if I had enough energy to cook, I don't think I would have the patience to wait for it." She added in gratitude.

"Caro, have you eaten?"

"No sister. I was waiting for you. I didn't want you to eat alone."

This touched Sonia's heart and she broke down in tears.

Caro knelt beside her and wiped her tears, 

"Sister mi, please don't cry. It's going to be okay."

"I miss him so much Caro. I miss not having my babies with me. I wish he is here with me." Sonia cried. "I can't survive without him. These past months....I'm like a living-dead! I do everything like a crazy routine. I'm miserable most of the time and just want to die too."

"No o! Sister mi, you shall not die! You shall live to declare the goodness of God. You will survive without him. Look at my mum for example now; your little Mummy o." She added the last pasrt with a chuckle.

"Imagine Mama Caro, after 30 years of a happy marriage, a few years after dad passed on, she re-married and she is happy again. I never thought that was possible, but see God."

"Caro, Michael was my one and only love."

"I know. But remember Ruth? She found happiness again after losing her husband and brother-in- law. She even became King David's great-grandmother. See sister mi, this might look like evil, but God rescued you from that family and he will give you overflowing joy again."

"At what cost was my rescue Caro? At the cost of losing Michael! At the cost of his life. It's not fair! He loved and cherished me Caro. Did you know we were about to travel out of the country and start over before that tragic accident? God could have saved him for me sis. He could have rescued him so that I get that chance to take very good care of him, love him more and make him happy."

She started wailing all over again, so Caroline just embraced her. She felt really bad for her cousin, but Michael was never going to return and the earlier Sonia accepts that, the better for her.

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As part of the healing process, Caroline took her cousin to Michael's graveside per the latter's request, to drop some flowers. Since the funeral, she had never been there because she knew she wouldn't be able to bear it. Part of her moving away from her in-laws was not just about them, but her own family too, including her church family. Seeing the familiar that connected her and Michael caused her tremendous pain, so cutting them all off was somewhat helpful. She knew talking to him here was pointless because his spirit was with God, but perhaps, the angels of God could carry her message to heaven? She shook her head at the different thoughts raging in her mind.

She sat by the tombstone and said,

"I'm sorry it took this long to come here. It is because goodbyes are painful. I know you are with God my angel, but I wish you were here with me. You promised to always stand by me, but you have broken your promise. Sometimes, I feel like my heart will stop beating because of grief, but I also console myself that you are with God and our children, and that we shall meet again at the resurrection." She touched his sealed picture on the tombstone and busted into fresh tears.

As she continued to wail, she felt strong arms around her, helping her up. She looked up and her eyes met the sparkling blues of her father –in-law. She got up and buried her head in his chest, crying like a little child. Margaret joined them and they hugged each other.

"I miss him too." Mr. Rogers confessed tearfully. "My only son. My best friend."

Caroline watched from a distance and thought to herself,

"It might do her good to be with family."

They all went for lunch at a restaurant thereafter.

"You are not being fair to us or yourself Sonia. Moving away from us and changing your phone number was terribly unfair." Margaret said with hurt all over her voice.

"Please forgive me sweet Maggie. Seeing you reminded me of all I lost. I... saw him in your warm eyes Margaret and in you too Mr. Rogers. I couldn't..." Her voice trailed off, and Mr. Rogers held her hands across the table.

"I know my daughter, but try and visit us often and let us know where you stay so that we can visit you too."

"Thank you Sir. I always tell my sister to stop crying, but day and night, like the Psalmist, tears became her daily bread. Look at her! She has lost so much weight and rapidly too." Caroline reported.

"Now that I'm graduated, I'll come and spend quality time with you." Margaret offered.

Sonia smiled weakly, "Please Maggie, I am not an invalid."

"In fact, I am moving in for the weekend. No! I will stay with you for a full week, and then you can come stay with us too. That's fair I think." Margaret said happily. She missed having Sonia around.

They all laughed and the atmosphere loosened a bit. They ate, joked and reminisced about Michael. It seem to be the beginning of some light being shed into Sonia's dark reality.