How do you heal?

Chapter 18: There Is Nothing To Forgive

Mid November 2014

Bucky had been in a mild panic all day. He had tried working off his nerves by sparring with Nat, who could tell something was off with him.

"So, I bet you are excited that Annie's coming back tonight." Nat said as they were leaving the gym.

Bucky looked at her warily. "I mean sure. The food has been terrible since she left and I'd like to apologize so hopefully she doesn't starve me."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "You know she's not mad at you right?"

"I don't see how she wouldn't be." He replied sharply.

"Barnes," she said, stopping him with a hand on his arm. "She's not mad or upset or anything. She knows it was an accident. Plus you heard Stark this morning, she nearly bit his head off for being a dick to you. Pretty sure you are in the clear, pal. Besides, even if she was mad all you'd have to do is bat those baby blues at her and she'd melt."

"Baby blues?" He asked with a chuckle.

"I call em as I see em Barnes and that girl wants to jump your bones about as much as you want to jump hers." Nat replied smiling.

Bucky just shook his head at her. He understood why Nat might think Annie wouldn't be angry. She was a good enough person to take Stark down a peg and defend him but that didn't mean she wasn't upset, and the rest? His heart quickened at the thought but he told himself to calm down. "I think you're way off on that one Romanoff." He said before they started walking again.

"Believe what you want but my whole job is knowing things so..." Nat trailed off as she laughed.

He had filled three pages in his journal that day which was more than the total he had done in the week since he started. Nothing was helping. At five he heard voices in the hallway and went to listen at his door.

"Wait, Annie, let me get the door for you!" Came an unfamiliar voice.

"Happy, seriously I can open a door." Bucky thought his heart would beat out of his chest at the sound of her voice. He heard some thumps as he assumed her bags were put down and some mumbles he couldn't make out as the pair spoke in her room. "So are you headed home or are you joining us for dinner? Tony said he's paying and so I'm inviting everyone."

"I'd love to come." Replied the man.

"Awesome, I'm gonna wash up before we go. Can you let everyone know I will be down in ten? Thanks, Happy." Bucky heard heavy footsteps receding and he started to back up when a knock came at his own door. He froze. A minute passed and another knock came, "Hey Bucky, you in there?" He still didn't move. "I feel kind of stupid talking to a door but Steve said you were in your room so if you can hear me everyone's going to dinner for, a frankly unnecessary, celebration of my return but, Tony and parties, so if you want to join we are leaving in about ten minutes." Bucky listened for a few moments to the silence and then he heard her footsteps recede down the hall but he stayed in his room.

Bucky had heard the commotion of the others returning full of laughter and sometime after the noise had died down, as everyone turned in for the night, he still laid awake in his bed. He had planned on waiting until the morning to try and catch Annie alone so that he could apologize but he couldn't take the panic any longer so he got out of bed and went into the hall.

It was almost one in the morning and Bucky stood in front of Annie's door debating if she would be awake, he didn't want to knock if she was sleeping. Should I just go back to bed? No, I have to get this over with. As Bucky raised his hand to knock, Annie's door opened.

Annie was standing in the doorway, flannel pajama bottoms and that same faded green t-shirt she always wore to sleep, wet hair pulled over one shoulder, a ring now hung from a necklace she hadn't worn before and her face...her face still showed signs of fading bruises, a yellow-green tinge around her eyes.

After a beat her face broke into a smile. "Hey."

"Hi." Is all he could say

She stepped out into the hall and Bucky had to take a step back. He could smell the citrus of her shampoo as she passed him, closing the door behind her. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but you look kind of rough, Sarge. Was the food that bad while I was gone?" Is she really joking with me right now? She took a few steps down the hall but stopped and turned when she realized he wasn't following her. She walked the few steps back to him, her cheerful face shifting to concern. "Hey seriously, are you okay? You look like you are about to puke. Are you sick?" She reached her hand up to his forehead as if feeling for a fever. At her touch Bucky felt all the tension of the last two weeks leave his body in a rush. She made to pull her hand back and he caught it with his own holding it to his cheek and closing his eyes. He felt her take a step closer "Buck, I'm going to need you to say something. You're making me nervous."

He opened his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers as his other arm pulled her in close to him. "Annie, I am so sorry. I don't know what happened but I feel horrible. I hope you know I would never ever hurt you intentionally and..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." She cut him off, shaking her head slightly. "I hope you have not spent the last two weeks thinking I was upset with you." She pulled back a little to look at him fully, taking his face in both her hands. "I was there Bucky, and you weren't. You had no control over what was happening and I am not mad, or upset, or afraid. I honestly was just worried about you. I didn't see you before I left and I didn't have your number or email and Tony locked me out of the system so I couldn't look it up to check in on you. I had to call Pepper to get things set up with Dr. Raynor, to at least make sure you had someone to talk to about what happened."

"But Stark sent you home and after you told me why you left I thought you would be upset to be going back before you were ready."

She smiled and placed her forehead against his again. "Turns out I was ready and it was very much needed."

Bucky wasn't sure what came over him, whether it was the relief of hearing from her own mouth that she wasn't angry with him, the lack of sleep he had for two weeks, or just her proximity but he closed the short distance between their lips and kissed her softly. He expected her to push him away or hit him or at least politely pull back and laugh it off but to his surprise and excitement after a moment she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

As they separated Annie could feel the flush on her face and hoped the dim hall lighting hid it at least slightly. She had been surprised when he'd held her hand to his face so tenderly but that kiss...Well shit, guess Alex was right, she'll be unbearable when I tell her. She wasn't entirely sure what to do now as they stood there in each other's arms but she could tell when she had walked out of her room Bucky hadn't been sleeping well. She didn't exactly want to start a whole conversation about feelings here in the hallway and they were both tired so she reached over and opened her bedroom door. "Come on, let's get to bed. It looks like you haven't slept in a month." She took a few steps into the room and waited. She watched as Bucky scanned the empty space where her couch had been before he said, "We can watch something on my couch if you want, or or I can sleep on the floor if you want to stay in here. If that would be more comfortable."

Annie thought about Alex calling her a coward and the fact that Bucky had just kissed her and she smirked. Reaching into the hallway she grabbed Bucky's hand and pulled him into the room, closing the door. "To be honest that couch was starting to kill my back and after that first night in my room I think we were both just using the movies as an excuse to fall asleep near each other. So maybe we can skip the theatrics and just get some well deserved rest?" She could hear her heart thumping as she waited for him to reply.

Bucky smiled and leaned down, whispering "I think I'd like that." before he kissed her again.