The Killing Kind ~Lucius Malfoy~

The Grief We Don't Process

Alexis was laying on Lucius's bare chest as she watched the dying fire. He traced lines on her naked back as his eyes drifted close. They were naked on the couch after making love, Alexis's mind was thinking fast, spiralling out of control while Lucius appeared content and relaxed. 

She allowed herself as much time as possible before she thought Demetri might try to come in and look for her. She looked up and saw that Lucius was fast asleep, the light from the fire dancing on his cheek. She stood and dressed slowly, quietly. 

As she made to leave, she looked back at Lucius, his naked form defenceless. She felt the weight of her wand against her side. She reached into her pocket, removing her wand from its safety. She felt its shape in her hand, fingering its edges. She looked back at Lucius as a rush of emotions hit her.

She placed the wand back in her pocket and walked away. She walked outside, leaving her umbrella, the rain soaking her instantly. Hair clung to her face and neck as she made her way passed the gate, her strut quickening. 

As she made it to the woods that lay beyond the house, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun and came face-to-face with Demetri. He had abandoned his umbrella and was soaked, his shirt clinging to his muscles torso and arms. 

"Well?" he asked over the pounding of the rain. "Did you do it?"

Alexis shook her head, unable to speak. She turned back, continuing her pace through the forest. 

Demetri caught up quick, spinning her back around. "Lex, what happened? Why didn't you kill him?" 

"I couldn't," she said, glad that the rain muffled her broken voice. "I fucking couldn't." She couldn't tell if she was angry, disappointed or sad. 

"Why not?" he asked, his tone softer than before. 

Alexis shrugged as the rain hit her face. She was unsure what were tears and what were raindrops. 

"You love him," Demetri said, realization dawning on his hardened features. He pushed back his dark hair from his face. 

Alexis turned again, wanting to escape this conversation, wanting to escape Demetri and Malfoy Manor and her emotions. She took one step before Demetri grabbed her wrist, making her face him again. 

"Lex, talk to me!" he shouted, his voice booming over the rain and thunder. "Please." The last word was a plead and his voice cracked. 

She turned again, unable to face him as his expression reflected everything she felt. 

"Lex!" he shouted as he cut in front of her. 

"This is your fault!" Alexis shouted, her eyes a pit of fury as she stared at Demetri. "This is all your fault!" 

"How is this my fault?" Demetri asked. 

"This was your stupid plan!" Alexis retorted. "This was your idea and now I can't kill him!" 

"You didn't have to say yes!" he replied defensively. 

Alexis pushed passed him and walked away. 

"Love isn't a bad thing, Lex!" Demetri shouted after her.

She turned on him quickly, her stance furious and accusing. "With him, it is! He's a Death Eater! He's the reason my parents and sister are dead!" 

"He didn't kill them! Someone else did!" 

"Someone he probably called a friend," Alexis said. "Someone he sided with." 

"You don't know any of that. You're just guessing." 

"Because I will never know, Demetri! I have to live everyday not fucking knowing because somebody like Lucius decided that my parents and sister's lives weren't worth living! Do you know how that feels!? To not know, to never know. To only know that someone thought I shouldn't have a dad anymore, a mom, a sister. That I should be orphaned and alone because I wasn't pureblood. How is that right?" 

"I never said it was right, Lex," Demetri said, swallowing hard. 

"You'll never understand what it's like to have everybody you love taken from you," Alexis said. 

"Lex, my dad got taken from me too. Maybe not in the same way, maybe in different circumstances, but I lost him too." 

Alexis calmed for a moment, realizing her mistake. In her spout of anger, she had forgotten that Demetri's father died from an illness when Demetri was only 10. 

"You're right, though," he went on, his eyes set and jaw tense. "I don't know what it is to lose everybody I love because I never lost you, Lex." 

Alexis stiffened as she watched Demetri through blurry eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered, unsure of whether he heard her. 

Demetri ran a hand through his hair, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. "Let's just go."

He reached for her arm to apparate but she pulled away, shaking her head. 

"Lex," he said warningly. "C'mon." 

He reached again and she took a step back, her eyes staring at the ground, soaked and muddy, their footprints filling with small puddles. 

"Fine," he said and apparated instantly. 

Alexis stared at the spot where he disappeared for a long moment. Eventually, she backed into a tree, leaning her weight against its sturdy trunk and she screamed.