Your Addiction, Simon Ghost Riley x Reader

Dark memories

[a/n] Happy holidays, everyone! 

...

The whole car ride I remained silent. Not a single thought in my head, but millions of feelings in my heart. Simon, who sat beside me, held my hand as Price drove as fast as he could. The whole time I felt blood drip down my face, the last pieces of my brother's existence slipping away. That was all I had left of my past. I stared into the distance the whole time, every second feeling myself drift away from that reality. I wanted to just give up.

I didn't even notice when we returned to our base. I left this place just a few hours ago, full of hope and love, completely unaware of what was going to happen. But now it was different. At that moment, it felt like I had lost my past, my present, and my future. A lost soul without a name, destined to wander around the world for eternity.

As I closed the car door, I immediately decided to head back to my room. But just as I was about to start walking, I heard other team members arrive. I still was in shock, I could feel adrenaline overtake my body. But the thought of seeing others made me feel sick.

Soap was about to ask me what had happened but the expression on my face silenced him. The pain in my eyes told him things my mouth could never dare to. And so I left them there, standing and wondering why killing an enemy killed me as well.

As soon as I entered the bathroom, I closed my eyes, not wanting to see blood all over my body. I slowly took off my dress and turned on the shower. It seemed like the only escape, the only way to get rid of that night. Shivering and naked, I began washing the blood away, still scared to face the truth. But I opened my eyes, wanting to say my last goodbye to my brother.

Hours, even days passed like that. My whole world became grey and cold. I refused to leave my room, each day hearing Simon trying to get in. All that time I was lying in bed, completely covered in blankets and memories. Some old crackers I found in my closet were my only source of food. Drinking tap water was the only option left.

Each evening, Simon would knock on my door, hoping I would open it. But I never did. I never found the strength. But sometimes I would come closer to the door and hear him talking to me. Him apologising for not being able to protect me. Being sorry that he made me feel this way. He blamed himself for shooting that man. He was just as lost as me. But at that moment in my life I needed to be all by myself.

And so I decided to leave. Without telling anyone, I chose to go back to my childhood home and finally let go of my past.

...

I planned to get out of there as soon as I could. I just needed to sneak out of my room when everyone was asleep, borrow a car and drive for who knows how long. I clearly remember it was 2 in the morning, when I started packing my stuff for that long journey.

And before leaving, I thought about heading to the kitchen to grab some food. But instead of that, I found Simon lying on the sofa watching TV. My body immediately froze. Since I didn't want him to notice me, I slowly stepped backwards.

"Trying to scare me is a stupid idea, Soap" I heard him say.

"Too bad I am not Soap" What else was there left for me to do? He knew someone was in that room.

Simon couldn't believe it was me. He then stood up and at a slow pace started approaching me. Not knowing what to do I took a step back.

"You know that I am not going to hurt you, right?" It seemed he understood that I felt unsafe after all this time.

I kept looking into his eyes, still unsure of what to do next. I could feel my hands start shaking and Simon without a doubt rushed to hug me. The firm pressure of his arms around me, the soothing rhythm of his breathing made me calm down.