Your Addiction, Simon Ghost Riley x Reader

The sunrise of your life

"Killing an unarmed soldier is unfair"

"Let's face it, you are dead" his insulting smile didn't give me much hope.

"Killing an unarmed woman is unfair" I took off my balaclava and tried my luck to change his mind.

But unfortunately that didn't work. He then pointed his gun at me, still smiling and enjoying every second of it. I knew he was ready to kill me but I continued looking at his dark eyes.

Just like that, we stood in front of each other for quite some time. I still had some doubts, still some hope but the moment I noticed his finger touch the trigger I knew my time had come. As my eyes were already starting to water, I decided to close them. I felt too weak and hopeless to even look at him.

And a few seconds later, a loud sound of a gunshot filled the air.

...

Only that night after the mission everyone at the base realised how much I really meant to them. I was such a huge part of their lives.

I was indeed their heroin, the source of their addiction.

No one said a word, no one really thought it would be appropriate to talk about me being dead.

Soap tried his best to get permission to go back and rescue me, but he had no luck. He didn't want to give up so easily. Seeing Ghost so emotionally hurt gave him an idea to disobey the rules and go on his own, without letting anybody know. But realising that he might not make it out alive stopped him for a second. Soap didn't want Ghost to lose his other best friend.

But the moment Ghost got a chance to be on his own, he couldn't hold back his emotions anymore. He didn't know he was still capable of crying. With his head in his hands, he sat quietly on the edge of his bed and let the feelings flood his eyes. But as much as he hated himself for only a few tears, he still couldn't stop thinking about me. He kept thinking about our first kiss, about us being so emotionally attracted to each other.

He tried his best to stop feeling this way. However, the thought of never seeing me again, never touching my body, never knowing what exactly happened to me made him feel so weak and broken.

His thoughts were disturbed when someone knocked on the door. At first, he thought it was Price with some good news about me. However, after opening the door, he was disappointed to find out that it was some random medic who had come to help him with his wounded arm.

...

Not understanding what had just happened, I slowly opened my eyes only to find out it wasn't him who did that. It probably was someone outside the base. Some random guy who tried to end his pain and agony.

The armed man was caught off guard by that and I knew I had a slim chance of surviving. It was my only chance to get back home to Simon.

Without a single hesitation, I took my knife out of my pocket and attacked him.

That was the first time in my life that I had killed someone without using a gun. It was a strange experience. The number of times that I stabbed him in the chest even escaped my memory. For a long time I couldn't remember that night. It seemed like my body refused to acknowledge the satisfaction I felt when I killed him.

But no matter how much I tried to forget the terror I saw in his eyes, it still haunted me for months and months.

Only at that moment when I finally saw him coughing blood did I begin to realise how cruel and violent I had been in the past.

My face and chest were completely covered in blood, and his eyes were surrounded by death and darkness.

I tried to get rid of my thoughts. Despite this, I understood that no matter how hard I tried to hide my thoughts on the battlefield, they were always following me and coming back to haunt me.

I believed I was destined to fight myself for the rest of my life.

The death of others, and how I destroyed the spark in others' lives, never had an effect on me. But this time it felt different. There was a conflict in my mind about whether I should regret what I had become, or what I hadn't.

After moving away from his body, I couldn't take my eyes off him. I wondered what a man would do only to save his own skin.

I was still in shock. I couldn't move at all. Thoughts of how I would get back to my base started to flood my head. That time I was sure no one would come to rescue me. Even the feeling that Simon might risk his life once again to save me was starting to fade away.

I took the documents I needed and left the base. I sat in front of the building's main entrance, some bodies surrounding me. The sun was already starting to rise. I felt the warm kisses of it touch my skin, the cold breeze playing with my hair. My whole body was shivering, hands were still shaking from the adrenaline that was flowing through my veins. My heart was also racing and I could feel it beating faster and faster.

Not knowing what to do, I simply took some cigars and a lighter from a nearby corpse that was lying face down.

It helped me to finally calm my nerves. His blood on my face still reminded me of what I had done to him.

I looked at my palms covered in red. Those were the hands of a cold-hearted killer. Hands that could bring happiness or death to others.

But I learned my lesson and I came out of the darkness, just like the sun. As I saw it rise, I realised that my choices had consequences, that I had to control my actions because I had someone else in my life. 

I was an irresponsible brat.

I knew I could no longer ignore the fact that I belonged to Simon.

Now the only thing that kept me from being completely at peace was the thought of me returning back to the main base. I couldn't even begin to imagine what I would say to Simon, to Soap and my other teammates. What excuses would I give them?

I knew for a few moments I would be the ghost they never expected to see.

I finished my cigar, found the first guy and began to change my clothes into my old uniform. Then I felt like my old self Y/N, not a killer.

My lungs filled with fresh air as I took a deep breath. Now I was ready for some more action. Thanks to my overthinking, I was more than prepared for this mission. I was aware of which direction I had to head if I wanted to reach the main base in the shortest amount of time.

It didn't matter how worn out I was. I knew I couldn't give up just yet.

Luckily, the first car I found had just enough gas to get me home and without wasting another second I started my journey.