Your Addiction, Simon Ghost Riley x Reader

Love in the midst of pain

As Isabella vanished, I was left alone in the restroom, my heart pounding against my chest as I slowly fell to the ground, still holding onto the sink. Tears streamed down my face as I recalled everything that had happened in the past.

I tried to analyze my true self, wondering who I really was and what Simon saw in me.

Did he really love me for who I was or who I pretended to be?

Was there really a difference between the two?

It felt like I had been wearing a mask for so long, hiding my true feelings and emotions from everyone around me, including Simon.

Tears flowed uncontrollably as I remembered all the pain and trauma I had been through. It was like all of the suffering from the past few years had hit me at once, and I couldn't bear it.

I tried to remember why I thought it was a good idea to come out with them tonight. I should have known that drinking would only make me more vulnerable to my thoughts.

And as I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces I made a decision to shut my feelings down. I promised myself that I would never again show my true self to anyone. I would hide behind a facade, pretending to be someone I wasn't.

I was sure it was the only way to protect myself from further hurt and rejection.

I then slowly picked myself up, wiped away the tears, and took a deep breath. I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to convince myself that I was strong enough to do this. But deep down, I knew it was a lie.

I was shattered and broken, and no amount of pretending could have changed that.

No amount of Simon's love could have helped me.

...

As we left the bar and headed towards the car, I was so exhausted that I couldn't even walk. Simon scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the backseat of the car, holding me close to his chest. I felt safe and protected in his embrace, as if nothing in the world could ever harm me again.

While we drove home, I gazed out the window, staring up at the sky filled with stars. I couldn't help but recall every moment with Isabella, every conversation we had, and every cruel thing she said to me.

But despite all of that, a small part of me couldn't help but feel some sense of pity for her.

I closed my eyes and tried to push those feelings away, to shut them down and never let them resurface again.

And Simon must have noticed the change in me, as he held me even tighter, as if he could sense my pain. I was so tired, both physically and emotionally.

I then opened my eyes once again and looked out the window. The sky was so so dark and the stars were shining brightly.

I remembered the stories people told about how when you die, you become a star. I gazed at one of them and imagined it was my father, mother, and brother, looking down on me from the heavens.

As I continued to stare at the sky, small tears streamed down my face. 

My throat then tightened as I thought about the life I left behind, the one that had never accepted me. My family had always made me feel like I was the problem, like I didn't belong.

Memories of their disapproving looks and biting words flooded my mind, making me feel so small and unwanted.

And then, there was Isabella. A traitor, yes, but also a part of me, a part of my past.

The woman who had betrayed me and caused me so much pain. But even as I remembered the torment I had endured, I couldn't help but feel a sense of longing.

Now that she was gone, I didn't know how to process the loss of someone I hated.

And as my tears continued racing, I looked up at the stars again.

That time, I imagined Isabella as one of them, shining brightly and unapologetically.

Somewhere out there was my secret, my lost baby. 

And finally, I imagined myself up there too, free from the judgment and rejection I had faced on Earth.

...

As we arrived at our cozy cottage, Simon carefully carried me in his arms, making sure I was comfortable. He brought me to our bedroom and laid me down on the bed. He then went to the kitchen and brought a glass of water to my bedside and covered me with blankets, tucking me in.

As he kissed my forehead, I couldn't help but feel like a weight on him, a strain on our relationship. I had always felt like a trouble. Simon was so strong and capable, while I was weak and fragile and it felt like I was too much for him to handle. But he never complained or showed any signs of resentment.

"I'm sorry" I whispered, my voice cracking as tears welled up in my eyes.

"Sorry for what?" He asked, looking at me with concern.

"For being so broken" I replied, salty droplets of my sorrow cascaded down my cheeks.

"For being such a burden"

"Y/N, you are not a burden. I love you for who you are, broken pieces and all. You don't have to be perfect for me to love you" Simon sat down on the edge of the bed and took my hand in his.

I looked into his eyes and saw his sincerity. But still, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was unlovable, that I was too broken to be worthy of anyone's love.

"I'm just so tired, Simon" I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Tired of feeling like I'm not enough, tired of feeling like I'm always going to be so miserable"

"You are enough, Y/N" Simon gently brushed the hair out of my face and wiped away my tears.

"And you don't have to be afraid to show your true self to me. I love you, my sweetheart" He said, his voice soft and reassuring.

But deep down I knew he was wrong.

Deep down I knew Isabella was right.