Your Addiction, Simon Ghost Riley x Reader

The masked one

"I am sorry for being away for so long, Y/N. I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted to protect you"

There was a heavy downpour outside. That thunder was like a metaphor for the storm that was going on inside my soul. I could hear the raindrops pattering against the windows, and the gusts of wind blowing fiercely. The dark sky seemed to reflect my inner turmoil, and for a moment I felt like I was all alone in this world. It was like a scene from a movie, except my emotions were real.

Tears streamed down my face as I sat on the bed, my body wracked with sobs as I listened to him. I was overwhelmed with my emotions and the tears wouldn't stop coming. I felt as if my heart was breaking, and I was powerless to stop the tears from flowing. Simon was sitting beside me, his arm around my shoulder as he tried to comfort me.

"Shh, it's okay" he murmured, rubbing small circles on my back.

Simon was trying to offer me a safe space to express my pain. His physical presence and comforting words were a reminder that I wasn't alone and that I had someone who cared about me.

"What's wrong? Talk to me, darling"

I sniffled and tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. I just shook my head, feeling exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

"Whatever it is, we'll work it out together, alright, love?" No matter how hard he tried to comfort me, I could feel my throat tightening as I tried to express my sadness and pain.

Simon didn't pressure me. He simply held me, offering me the silent support I needed. His willingness to be there for me and listen to me without judgment was a source of strength and comfort. And after a few minutes, I took a deep breath and finally began to speak.

"I just felt so lost without you, Simon" I started explaining, my voice shaking.

"I didn't know what to do or where to go. Everything seemed like it was falling apart. My anxiety was overtaking me and I felt like I had no purpose in life without you. All I had been used to was having you by my side and now I was alone and had to figure things out on my own. I felt like I was drowning, unable to make even the simplest decisions. Without you, Simon, I am paralysed"

He listened intently, his expression filled with empathy "I know it feels that way right now, but I promise you, it will get better"

"You don't understand me, Simon" As I stared into his eyes, I continued "You won't be by my side for the rest of my life. One day, I will have to go on this journey alone. I will have to get up and keep on moving. And I'm scared I won't be able to do it. If I get lost, what will I do? What if I can't find my way back? I'm scared I won't be able to keep living without you. I'm scared I won't be able to push forward and make it to the finish line" He held me as I cried, his presence like a calming force.

He looked me in the eyes and said "You can do this, I believe in you, love. I know you will make it to the end, no matter how difficult it gets, I know you can do it"

He paused for a moment, letting his words sink in, and then he replied once again "But you are right, I won't be here for the rest of your life"

Our gaze met and I could tell from his eyes that something was wrong.

"Our clock is ticking, Heroin. I'm afraid we don't have much time left" He whispered, but I couldn't understand what he meant.

"What..?" My eyes were already puffy, emotional pain was eating me from the inside and I wondered why he didn't use my real name.

"I have to leave you" Simon said as he stood up and started heading towards the door.

Still unable to comprehend the situation, I continued sitting on my bed feeling hopeless and confused. But I couldn't let Simon just go.

"Don't leave me, Simon, not this time. I promise... I-I will get better. Just... I beg you, d-don't leave me again" The desperation in my voice was so strong that it echoed through the room.

After seeing him get closer to the door, completely ignoring my tears and sobs, I rushed to grab his arm. Trying my hardest to stop him. But he avoided my touch, my gaze. In that moment, it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. It had become clear that the person I had loved for so long had completely shut me out of his life, leaving me with nothing but a void of emptiness.

"Why are you doing this, Ghost?" I whispered his other name, thinking that the Simon I knew no longer existed.

"You fucking lied to me" His voice was rougher than ever, sending chills through my whole skin.

"About what?" I still couldn't understand what was going on inside his mind but hearing him speak gave me some hope.

"About yourself. This is not the real you" He turned around to face me and continued "Even though I wear this mask you are the masked one here. You are trying to put up a facade and hide your true self from me and others. You think that if you pretend to be someone else then you can protect yourself from the pain of the world, but in reality it is only making things worse. You make everything more miserable. By hiding your true self, you created a wall between me and you. And I fell in love with a person who never existed" I never witnessed him losing his temper, and there were moments I thought he would hit me.

As I stood there in the middle of my room, I didn't know what to say. But as he slammed the door, I opened my eyes and saw the same dark room.

All of that was just a tiny piece of my imagination. My nightmare.

To calm my nerves, I took a deep breath as I stared at those closed doors. And I knew it would never be opened. Simon would never get a chance to see the real me.

The more I analysed my dream, the more painful his words became to recall. I never really thought about losing him completely. But he was right in every way.

That wasn't the real me. In fact, I didn't even know who I was. And it felt like a sign that I was losing sight of my true identity.

But all of this made me realize that the life I had was fragile and that nothing was certain. 

After not seeing him for such a long time I realised how much my addiction had grown. I knew it was a dangerous game to play, but what else was there left for me to do? He was someone who would fill the void in my life. 

He was the closest person I had and I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

But both of us refused to admit how much we longed for each other.

I was so desperate for love that I was willing to risk it all for Simon. I guess I felt like he was my only chance at finding the kind of love I wanted. And even though I was aware that things were unlikely to turn out the way I wanted, I decided to play with fire anyway. 

Without him, I felt so lonely and isolated.

But he was right.

I was the masked one.