the Devil and the Sea

49| The Mess I Made

Ricky walks around me and roughly bumps me with his shoulder.

I tilt my head back and look up at the stars. I breathe silently. On the one hand, I feel uncomfortable, but on the other hand, I get a strange satisfaction.

What's wrong with me?

I hesitate for a minute and follow Ricky, when I go home, the light is on in my room. I walk up the stairs and see Ricky stuffing things into his duffel bag.

I lean against the desk and cross my arms, watching him coolly.

Ricky turns to me and I meet his green eyes. Eyes full of pain. My heart shrinks.

I am surprised to understand that the implementation of the idea of parting with Ricky was much more difficult than I expected. That's why it's better not to be friends with lovers. It will be hard for me to lose a friend like Ricky. After we break up, he definitely won't want to be friends with me.

"Where will you go?" I ask and am surprised at my steely voice.

"I'll spend the night at Nora's, and go home tomorrow." He replies angrily.

Why does it hurt me so much?! I feel a surge of anger at the fact that Ricky is so impulsive and easily led to provocations. But still, I need to make sure Ricky understands that this is not a joke.

I know Vincent hears everything, but I don't care. Filled with anger, I go to the closet and help Ricky get ready, take out his things and throw them at him.

"You forgot these T-shirts," my voice is filled with poison, "you forgot these, these and these too!" I almost burst into tears.

I look at Ricky and barely restrain myself from going up to him and hugging him, so I want to calm him down. Apologize for intruding into his life.

"I thought you loved me, but deep down I always knew I was wrong." Ricky says.

I don't like to hear that he always doubted me. Why, then, did he press me to his chest every night, if he knew in advance that we were something temporary? Why did he lie to me saying that he wanted to be with me forever?

I remember that I'm not the perfect girl, that I myself pissed him off. I understand that all his doubts are solely my fault, but I have always doubted him as well, so we are tied. I understand that Ricky is also not perfect and we are not suitable for each other. Ricky needs to stay away from me. If he continues to be in a relationship with me further, then it will only get worse for him.

"I love you as much as no one else has ever loved." I say calmly and a spark of hope ignites in his green eyes. "But fuck off. That was before you decided to break up with me."

Ricky's face twists into an anguished grimace. He turns away and, having gathered the things I scattered in an armful, hastily stuffs them into a bag.

"Sorry for everything," I whisper, barely audible, but the words don't reach him.

It's for the best. It will be better for him.

Oh my god, Vincent appears in the doorway of my room.

"What's happening?" he asks.

"Go mind your mother, Vincent, mind your own business." Ricky snaps.

This can't fucking end well.

"Don't start." Vincent warns him rudely, straightening to his full height.

Ricky goes straight for Vincent.

Holy shit!

"It's your damn fault!" Ricky raises his voice and grabs Vincent by the shirt, and my blood fills with fear. "What the hell are you doing here anyway, bastard!?"