the Devil and the Sea

78| Falling hard

There was always a darkness inside of me that I tried to deny. I tried my best to suppress it.

I fought it, but it's time to accept it.

The fact that I refused to listen to common sense and ignored my intuition does not mean that Vincent deceived me. Forget about it.

I fooled myself into believing that things could turn out differently with Vincent.

But you know what? Devils can't change. They just mess things up and cause trouble. Devils can only destroy and burn. They can't handle anything good; they'll mess it up sooner or later. And I guess that makes me the devil. Yeah, that's what Vincent called me. So, now he's gonna see the devil in full swing!

"Wait! You've got it all wrong!" I hear Vincent's voice from behind.

"I don't wanna hear your lies. Just get off me!" I shout and walk out of the building. I quickly go down the stairs, jump over the railing, and head to the farthest bench.

I don't even bother looking back because I know Vincent's following me.

I hate lying to myself, but I can't pretend that his messages to Katherine are normal, so I couldn't help but start a fight on our last evening together. He said he broke up with her, but that was probably a lie. He said he wanted me to go to London with him, but it looks like that was also a game.

Maybe I'm being dramatic, but it hurt... a lot.

Lie. I'm such a liar myself, even more than Vincent. More than anyone else.

I sit on the bench and put a cigarette in my mouth, but Vincent runs up and snatches it from my lips along with the whole pack.

Vincent awakened the monster inside of me. A monster that used to doze off but refuses to sleep since Vincent first touched me.

"What the hell?" I look up and meet the cheeky blue eyes.

"What?" Vincent looks down at me, crushing the poor cigarette in his damn fist like he's squeezing me.

I give him a warning look.

"Don't be a mother to me and don't take away my cigarettes! Give it back!" I burn with anger and reach out my hand for him to put in it what is mine.

"Don't shout to me like that, calm down." Vincent returns the cigarettes, but with a quick flick of his hand he picks up the pack again, which I carelessly leave unattended on the bench after I take out one cigarette. "You won't get another one!"

"Shut up! Don't you dare tell me what to do!" I'm trying to sound calm, I swear, but of course I'm failing.

I light a cigarette and puff smoke into the sky.

Vincent closes his eyes, I see his Adam's apple twitch.

"God! Why are you so turned on? Did I act towards you like I'm some kind of asshole? I don't understand what I did wrong now?"

I should send him to hell and not listen. Leave him alone and return home. But I don't want.

I'll let him fight if he wants to. Let him fight me. I'll make him fight us.

"Don't understand?" I swallow the lump in my throat, "don't you understand Vincent? I will help you understand!"

Smoke burns my lungs. I look away in despair, it hurts me to realize what I'm about to say.

"You let me believe that you were in love with me and that you broke up with Katherine, and now I find out that you really doubt who exactly you want to be with!"