the Devil and the Sea

79| Lost souls

"Why are you trying to ruin everything that was between us now?" Vincent raises his voice in annoyance again.

I tearfully look at Vincent, but I don't let myself burst into tears.

I won't cry.

I will not cry!

Taking a deep breath, I fight the moisture in my eyes and the pressure building up behind my nose.

So what if Vincent lied to me?

So what if we both pretended we could do something?

Contacting Vincent was a big mistake.

Or maybe not.

Perhaps I needed to see his correspondence, his real thoughts , in order to finally break out of the madness that had taken possession of me.

However, my chest hurts so much that it's hard to breathe.

Why the hell does this hurt so much?

In fact, we both knew that I would not come to London and it was time to show the cards.

"What's between us? Who are you to me? Eh, Vincent? Tell me who am I to you? Just a girl, like you said to James, that you so easily," I snap my fingers in front of his face, "stealed away from another guy and fucked?"

I want to push him, but he intercepts my hands and pulls me to him, presses me to his chest.

"Sorry, I'm stupid! I shouldn't have written like that! But that was before we got close!" His voice rings over my head as I try to free my hands.

"We haven't gotten close!" I'm yelling in defense.

He freezes and then releases me.

"Yes? So it was all just like that? Did you just fuck with me like that? Is it just a game for you with another guy who foolishly fell in love with you? Is that it, devil?" he asks, looking at me with a hateful look.

"No, as it turned out, it was me who was taken away from the guy to fuck and leave!"

"This is some kind of absurdity! I don't understand you at all. Everything was fine, but you... Is this your defensive reaction?"

"No, you just have to understand that you don't need to lie to me. I don't care if you decide to go back to Katherine! And you should know that you didn't take me away from Ricky, you wouldn't have succeeded in half your life," I look at his reaction, I want to hurt him even more and continue:

"And just so you know, right now he's in my bed warming it up, waiting for me to come back."

I bite my tongue. How did it happen that I carry such nonsense out of anger? How come I put so much into all of this? How did I allow myself to have any feelings towards Vincent?

"What did you say?" Vincent's eyes become like I've never seen them before - they burn with such rage that I feel uneasy.

"What were you waiting for? Did you think that I would be confused with you for a week, and then I would suffer all my life remembering you?"

I grin and shake my head at him.

"This is just me." I put my hand on my chest. "Terrible, perverted, and deceitful, as you revealed the first time we met, wasn't it?" I chuckle, looking up into his eyes. "It's time for you to start making friends with your own head."

"Ricky is waiting for you right now? Did you fuck him?" He asks in a voice that scares me.

It becomes scary for me to be around such Vincent, and at the same time I feel a burning satisfaction that I was able to bring him to emotions.