Finn

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Six

Turin's POV

The rest of the pack had gone inside a while ago, but I wouldn't leave Finn out here alone. She needed closure as much as the rest of us, but the memorial and shared memories weren't what she needed.

When she shook her head that she didn't want to leave, I resolved myself to be out here with her until she was ready. I told Rory and Nolan through the pack link to get some sleep, and then I settled into the snow. My dress pants would get soaked, but I didn't care.

I slipped off the suit coat I had on and placed it down on the snow next to me. Finn was still standing and staring at the ground, but I tugged gently on her sleeve to urge her to sit with me. It took her a moment to realize what I meant, but eventually she lowered herself onto my jacket.

Finn had on the mask she wore when she wanted to be anywhere but here. When she was trying to disappear into her head, and block out the rest of us. I wasn't sure what she was feeling, but clearly whatever it was had her wanting to hide. She had always felt her emotions so deep, and I think Cillian's death hit her harder than she could handle. Luckily, I had no intention of letting her handle it on her own.

"It's okay to be angry." I finally spoke, after giving her several minutes of silence. I wasn't even sure she was listening to me, but her head snapped to look at me once she processed the words. She furrowed her eyebrows, silently questioning how I knew what she was thinking. To be fair, I hadn't been sure until she reacted. But I knew the feelings I had been processing since Cillian died, and anger was a big one.

"It doesn't mean you're a bad person if you're angry with him. Hell, I was furious with him when he died," I had yelled at him up until the moment he passed, and continued yelling even once he'd stopped breathing. Nolan had to physically force me to calm down, "I was so mad at him for what he did to you. It seemed like dying was the easy way out."

"Cillian wasn't perfect, you know that more than anyone. But he was a good person at his core. He was often misguided or blinded by his own anger, but he wanted to do what was right. I think to him, dying to protect you was the punishment he had to face for what he did. We may not agree, but he was doing what he thought he needed to do in order for you to move on."

If he had asked me before hand, I would have told him he owed Finn a proper apology. He deserved to spend the rest of his life groveling for her forgiveness. I would never have told him he deserved to die. But Cillian had always taken things to the extreme. As grateful as I am still alive because of him, I think he went into that battle expecting to die.

Finn turned her eyes back to the casket in front of us, and we fell into a comfortable silence. I didn't push her, and I ignored all of my urges to reach out and touch her. I knew she had to be shivering in her coat, but I would just make sure to get her some hot chocolate once we got inside. She needed this time with Cillian right now.

After several minutes of silence, just the sounds of nature around us, I was starting to plan how to get her back inside. I had hoped something in this ceremony would push her to open up to me, but I wouldn't push her too hard. I was mentally prepping to bring her inside when I heard her voice.

"It's not fair."

Her whispered voice nearly broke my heart. It was nearly inaudible, and it was so raspy from not being used. She didn't move after she spoke, and was so still I was almost convinced I had made up the words. But then I heard a small sniff, and noticed the silent tears running down her face. I hadn't seen her cry once since she'd come home, and as much as the tears pained me, I knew she needed to let it out.