Finn

Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty

The night of my breakdown in the kitchen, Doc stitched up my finger and gave me some painkillers and something to help me sleep. It was probably the first restful night of sleep I had in weeks and was void of any dreams or nightmares.

The following night...I was not as lucky.

I woke up in the middle of the night to Turin shaking me awake. He told me I was crying in my sleep and shouting. My body was covered in sweat, and the nest of pillows I kept around me at night were scattered around the room. My brain was still in fight or flight mode from the vivid memories I was recounting in my dreams, and Turin's hands on my shoulders made me want to jump across the room.

But then I saw the look on his face when he looked at me. The fear in his eyes that shifted to relief as soon as we made eye contact, and the concern as he scanned over me for any injuries. There was no anger or judgement or hatred or any of the things that haunted my memories. Turin was full of care and love and laughter.

Turin is safe. I am safe.

The second the thought crossed my mind, any of my hesitation for him touching me disappeared. I practically launched myself at him and threw my arms around his neck in a tight hug. Turin was caught completely off guard and let out a grunt as he fell onto his side on the mattress.

"Geez, woman," Turin's laugh was almost musical, and it seemed to calm the racing in my heart since waking up from my nightmare. But he hesitated to return the hug, his arms floating inches away from me in the air, "is this okay?"

"I'm safe with you, right?" I asked as I loosened my grip so I could lean back and look at him. I know we both knew the answer, but I think I needed to hear it.

"Of course, my love. I would never, ever hurt you." Turin answered without any hesitation. I expected a mocking tone or a joke of some kind, but he was dead serious. He stared at me with stern eyes until I nodded in acknowledgement.

"Then yeah, it's okay." I had barely finished the sentence before Turin had attacked me in a hug of his own. His arms went around my waist, and he pulled me closer to him before burying his face in the crook of my neck.

"Goddess, Finn, I've missed you." Turin muttered, his breath tickling the hairs on the back of my neck. I shivered, but the movement only made him hug me tighter. I didn't mind though. I had missed him too, and I was happy to return the hug.

We were quiet for a long time, content to just hold each other in the quiet of the night. A couple of times I worried Turin had fallen asleep, but then he would shift slightly and place a kiss on my shoulder or on my cheek. It was nice; really nice. But eventually, I felt like I needed to address the elephant in the room.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Turin lifted his head slightly so he could tilt it at me, his brows furrowed in confusion. I shrugged and avoided eye contact, choosing instead to stare at a spot on the wall over his shoulder.

"For waking you up in the middle of the night. For being distant and making it so difficult for you guys. For being such a mess and –"

"Stop saying nonsense, Finn." Turin cut off my ramble with a dismissive shake of his head, but I wasn't about to give in that quickly. I knew it wasn't nonsense. He was just too nice to acknowledge how much harder I was making this for them.

"It's not nonsense. I am a mess; I know I'm a mess. You guys have to take turns babysitting me because I'm barely keeping it together. I can't hold a conversation or eye contact, I'm not eating. Before right now the idea of someone touching me made me physically ill. I'm a mess, Turin. The hot, stinking pile of shit kind of mess. And you're being forced to clean up after me and take care of me because you feel bad for me and you're the Alpha now. And I know I'm making your life ten times more difficult than it should be, so I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry."