The fastest way to kill a Someone AndWhy

Chapter 20: Compulsion

{Definition: An irresistible urge to behave in a certain way}

So I found out Mono and Geneviene were planning a way to escape from The League from all those closet visits I was having! I thought they were planning a way to take out Myers, but it was less intense then I thought.. And their plan was way too poorly calculated! I thought it would be better to watch it all play out instead of intervening.

So this is how it goes..
..
"Why are you staring at me? Stop fucking staring at me!" Mono said to me even closer.. Close enough to kiss.. But this time I wasn't admiring her, I was studying her.
..
"So what mission did Captain put you on?" "This other part of The League.. With some- I'm doing some military training."

I overheard them. I was always listening.

Amari was eating cake with Mono. They were always together. And they ate the same piece.

"You think he'll put you on a mission with Heelix?" "I don't know?" Mono said, opening her book. She leaned back from the table. "How come you always read that book.. Over and over again?" "It helps me with my suicidal thinking." Mono said while flipping the pages. Amari stayed quiet.. "Ok, let's get serious about it.. You spoke with Gen?"

She was in on it.

"Wait." Mono said with her face in her book. "For what? We have a week!" She laid her book flat down on the table and got up and started walking towards me.

I turned my back, and then she stood right in front of me!

"Everyday in this lunchroom you sit right there across from us and you fucking watch me! What the fuck are you doing?"

Amari watched sitting in back too stunned.

"How come you don't stare at her too?" She said pointing at Amari. "What the fuck are you trying to see? Do you even know why you're trying to follow us?"

She couldn't understand how I felt! And yes I did still have feelings for her!

"You went to your fucking psychiatric friends to tell them about me, And then you know what happened when they got out?"

I looked over and everyone was watching.

"They fucking told everyone!"

I didn't even know what to sa-

"You met me ten months ago and now you've already decided you're going to dress me up as your dead girlfriend?"

And then it was ruined. She did it! I hated her.

All my days were revolving around her.. My head was spinning and I could feel myself getting ready to be too angry! She embarrassed me in front of everyone! And that meant nothing to her because she didn't know any of those people, but they all knew me!

I tore up all of my sketches I had of her and I could feel my body getting too hot..

She had me so angry to the point I thought of killing her!

I thought of ways to kill her.. but I didn't know how to, because I was too headstruck, obsessed, and over all..

Eroticaly in love with Mono.

I was in love.. I loved Mono!
..
She paid me no dust, gave me no attention and I knew she would never think of me differently from the day she embarrassed me. I started to care less that she did it in front everyone.. But they would talk and talk about the day that I was obsessed over, "The girl that tried to kill and eat me!" I mean they were talking about her too and she didn't care?

I saw her in the halls, at her training, the stations where she got suited for her missions. I couldn't stop watching her and this time when we'd pass each other, she would just pass me by, keep her head in her book, or just not even look at me.. Not giving me any nasty looks.. Not caring if I would stare. There was no way to get her attention. And I knew so little about her.

And then I remembered I was Henry.. I didn't care when Alice was in love with me and I could care now that a girl I was in love with was uninterested in me.

I stopped caring about that day and forgot all about her..

My days were too short to be thinking about how I felt.

You'd think the devil smiled..
~
"If the devil got everything he wants.. You'd think he'd smile!

But what if the empire he built.. Wasn't really his empire?

And the people that helped to create it, weren't really his friends?

..and they were just as selfish..

What if you had a chance at making everything right? But before you went too far-

You decided.. you'd go even further?
~

These were things I'd write down in my journal.. When I had dreams.

I was diagnosed with dissociative and I was having these nightmares.

They felt real.. It didn't feel like I was dissociating.

I felt too detached from everyone.. So I never told anyone any of my dreams! But then it got too bad..

Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't sleep.. And I was being drugged to fall asleep.

But then I had a dream of Alice.
But In a different way..
Not memories..
I would dream of her still being alive!
Somewhere.. without me?