"Sometimes memories are the worst forms of torture."
-
"Well, if it's not frostbite, then what is it?"
"It's disgusting is what it is, Carol," Gwen scrunches up her face.
"Yeah, seriously. Listen to Pengwen and get it off the table. We're eating h...
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╔═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗ THE MONSTER KNOWN AS DEPRESSION ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝
(TW // depression, mentions of suicidal ideation)
In the past two months, Gwen has only left her bedroom to go to the bathroom, or to grab the food that Dustin leaves outside the door. When she's not doing that, she stays tucked under the covers with the lights off and the curtains closed.
The first few weeks had been a cycle of crying so hard she passed out, woke up, and cried again. The next few weeks was a different cycle of feeling nothing, and then everything all at once.
And that all leads to her current cycle.
Absolute numbness.
Gwen wakes up in the mornings like a robot on autopilot, only doing things when she absolutely needs to. She used to spend her free time painting or playing her guitar, but she doesn't have the energy to pick up a paintbrush and doesn't feel the joy in creating music.
Steve tried to call a couple times, but after the fifth call, Gwen pulled the phones plug out of the wall. Dustin and Claudia try to talk to her every once and a while, but they've only been met with silence.
Gwen hates it. She feels annoying and over dramatic. She wants nothing more than to snap out of her depression and comfort everyone else who's hurting, but she simply doesn't have the energy.
Five years ago, when Gwen was diagnosed with depression and prescribed Xanax to help with her panic attacks, she was told that it would come in waves periodically throughout her life, and that emotions like sadness and hopelessness would feel much more overwhelming to her than others.
But she wasn't expecting this.
Everything hit her all at once, like she was walking on cracked ice before it broke, and ever since then, she has felt the monster known as depression hold her head underwater, not letting her come up for air.
She's tried to fight her way to the surface, flailing her arms around and kicking her legs, but the body can only stay conscious without air for up to three minutes. After that, it's just a matter of time before your lungs become heavy with water, oxygen stops being delivered to your heart, and your body shuts down.
