- Chapter Forty-One -

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I am going insane without speaking to Ashley

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I am going insane without speaking to Ashley.

I understand why she wants space, I get it but fuck, all I want to do is be around her. That's all I've ever wanted. Ashley locks herself in her bedroom and barely leaves. I finally managed to convince Blake to go speak to her. To ask if she would spare me five minutes to explain myself, to express how I truly feel. God, I am so captivated by this women that I need to tell her that.

Over the last three weeks, my feelings haven't changed. My heart beats for her, it always has been. Ever since I found out she existed, she was all I ever wanted and needed. I needed a reason to live and she gave that to me. Ashley was my lifeline, and I should have told her that.

"You've fucked it with her," Blake said over the phone, I watched the hallway, waiting for Ashley to appear. "I know that," I admitted to him, something I've never done before. I know that I have fucked it with Ashley. Our relationship is the worst it's ever been. Even before, when I forced her to come to New York with me, she never looked at me with hatred, and now? That's all she ever does and I know that's of my own doing. I have never regretted the choices that I have made, even with how I went about it with Ashley— I don't regret that. What I do regret is not telling her sooner. That's what I would go back and change.

"You do realise she is too good for you?" Blake asked, I didn't appreciate his tone or question but he's right. Ashley is too good for someone like me, someone who breaths poison. "Yes," I muttered my defeat, I rubbed a hand over my jaw as I began to pace the living room. "If you weren't my brother or second in command, I would have told her to leave," Blake said, I gripped my phone tighter in my hand. "If I weren't selfish, I would have let her," I confessed, the truth is that I would have never let Ashley leave me. The thought of not having her in my life anymore, literally crushes what I have left of my poisoned heart.

"Set things right, you can't just apologise and expect her to have you back with open arms," Blake said, reminding me that I have to do something. I took a breath as my eyes glued in on the hallway to our bedrooms. "Right, I have to go," I muttered as I hung up. I debated whether or not it was the right time, but Ashley asked for space and I've given her three weeks. Surely, that's plenty enough of time.

I was outside of her room within seconds, knocking on her door in hopes of her answering but instead I got nothing. "Ashley," I called out as I knocked again, "I just want to talk, please," I pleaded to her, one thing I have never done before. After moments of silence Ashley spoke on the other side of the door. "I don't want to talk," I placed my forehead on the wood that separated us, "it'll take two minutes," I tried again, suddenly, the door flung up and I took a step back.

"What is it about, 'I don't want to talk,' that you clearly don't understand?" Ashley snapped, her eyes red and puffy as if she's been crying. I remained silence as she watched me with fury. "Well?" Ashley asked, "talk," I paused, my words struggling to make sense as I take in the beauty that is Ashley Wilson. "I'm sorry," I finally said, I watched as Ashley scoffed at my words. "You've said that before."

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