Owen Changes His Mind

9. Admit It 3/3

Owen held the last apple in his hand. He'd gotten over the fever and had been changing the bandages on his head and other wounds often enough to know he was healing fine. The antibiotic Guts had given him was real. Absently, Owen paced over the shattered remains of the rest of the apples. He'd thrown them in fits of rage. Now his entire cell smelled of them. It wasn't like him.

Owen, I'm coming back. I promise.

I'll give you ten seconds, which is a darn sight more than I would have in the past.

You are pathetic.

You deserve this.

What is it that all demons have that makes them bad?

He ignored the voices. They'd been getting worse. "Rasbi changed her mind," he said to the apple. "She's weak. She'd never be able to follow through. I knew it. I called it. That's what Guts said, right? Rasbi wanted me to die but- wait, no, that doesn't make sense. None of this makes any sense."

How does it feel to be so weak and helpless?

Lying demon-

Apo!

He took a knife for you. Why?

I can't begin to understand the machinations of his mind.

Owen squeezed the apple. Little bits of juice oozed out and trickled over his fingers. Then he made himself relax. This would be the last apple. He'd almost asked Guts to see if Apo would visit him, bring more food, but something stopped him. Guts wanted to hurt him emotionally. He couldn't trust anything they'd said.

Don't speak it-

"Why didn't Rasbi come to kill me with Krow, though?" He said to drown out the voices. "Maybe Rasbi didn't know Krow was coming?" He didn't think she'd willingly miss an opportunity like that. "Krow almost killed me itself. In fact, why didn't it? Why did it stop? Am I that far below its notice? No, otherwise it wouldn't have visited. Had- did Guts stop it from killing me?" Guts didn't scare Owen. Guts was simple, easy to understand. Guts only wanted Owen to suffer. "I guess I can't suffer if I'm dead."

Don't think it-

"It's stupid, really," Owen yelled to the apple, his voice unusually shrill. "When I get out of here, I'm going to- to- How can I get out of here?" Owen paced around the cell he'd already been around thousands of times. "Got to get out. Got to get out. There must be a way out." He felt the walls with his free hand. He checked behind the jar and under the bed. "Maybe I can get someone to-" Owen scrambled towards his window and started calling out. "Hey, anyon-"

We're through.

Owen, please-

Owen watched the apple that had been in his hand a moment ago sail through the air, bounce once on the ground, and roll into a column of lava.

I'm scared, Owen. I don't want to be a villain.

"Apo," Owen gasped, reaching out towards the lava column. The light reflected on two unshed tears in Owen's eyes. "You aren't."