Outsiders SMP Fanfiction
What if Apo found out and came to terms with who Owen was before Owen realized it? What if that changes Apo's behavior? What if Apo got the drop on Owen because he had information Owen didn't remember?
TW: fantasy racism (ca...
TW: suicidal thoughts (with counter thoughts, this time)
written by typo and HypnoEnvy together
BIG kudos to Hypno
The heat made the air shimmer. The stones under Owen's cheek were warm to the touch. Owen groggily opened his eyes into slits, which let in enough light to aggravate a pounding headache. He was in an oven. Apo was there. "I thought I saw you," Owen mumbled, an image of Apo across the jail clutching the ladder fresh in his mind. But Apo couldn't be here. The real Apo was in the maze, because they hated Owen. He deserved that. A wave of dizziness washed over Owen as he continued, "But you were... I'm going to die here." Owen closed his eyes, moved his arm over his face. He'd hallucinated before. Was this the end? Or only the end of his sanity?
Hallucination Apo said nothing. "And Guts was right," Owen continued, "no one cares about me. But the worst part is that you're back in the maze. Please don't die out there, Apo."
Owen's hand groped out for Buddy, and he pulled the wine bottle close. Then, when he was sure Buddy was safely tucked against his side, Owen pulled himself up against the wall. Apo softly murmured, "What do you mean, Owen?"
Owen leaned his head back against the wall and started to explain, fiddling with Buddy in his lap.
"Ayngel ran you out because of me. And now you're out there in the maze again, so I'll never be able to apologize. I wanted to apologize. You never deserved to be- for me to hunt you. I tried to kill you. I tried to kill you twice. And before that, I left you. I left you here to rot. And before that, I never heard you out. I don't deserve..." Owen scoffed at himself, rubbed his face, and started to cry. He didn't have enough water left in his body for tears, but his shoulders shook and his face twisted.
"I never thought about the demons I killed," he explained. "They had families. They had lives. They- No, worse, I did think about them. I did it anyway. I was the worst, Apo. I killed them, just like they burned my- my family, my city, I killed them, Buddy. I did that." Owen scratched at his face. Buddy almost tumbled out of his lap and he stopped, both hands on the bottle, keeping it safe. Apo sat on the bed, frozen, staring at Owen. Their eyes glowed red in the dim light of the prison.
"Father always said demons were no good," Owen explained earnestly. "He said- he said, they were a disease. But he was wrong. And I- no, don't say that, don't repeat it. He was wrong. Buddy, help." Owen looked down at Buddy. His hands fell to his sides. His fingers curled around a water skin. There was water. He drank it.
After a long moment, Owen stared at hallucination Apo's shoes and started up again. "I remember you. The target pr- uh. Half breed, um. The one I sent to District One. Just before they summoned me to the capital. I did this to you. And you never- you didn't- You were a good friend.
"Did you know? Did you know I hunted demons like you? That's all I'm good for. But you didn't care, you tried to be my friend anyway and you, you, I threw it away when I left you here, when I didn't follow you into the maze, every time I thought you were dead I was distraught, I loved you, and I threw it away, and maybe you'll have it in your heart to forgive me just one more time?"
Owen glanced up towards the hallucination sitting on his bed. Then he folded his arms over his legs, tucked himself into a ball and wailed. "No," he howled, "how could you, how could anyone forgive someone like me, I'm the one burning cities and parents now. Me. Oh, it's hopeless."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Apo's voice said.
Owen's breathing slowed. What did that mean? It's hopeless. I wouldn't say that. It's hopeless. I wouldn't say that. The words chased each other around Owen's head, leaving a trail of peace wherever they went.
Owen's breathing evened out. He felt closer to sleep than he had been in a long time. The water had done wonders for his clarity of mind, soothing the fiery blur that was his (deserved) existence now. Owen felt peace knowing he probably would die here. At least then he couldn't keep the cycle of pain going. He would never be a soldier again. He would never hurt Apo, who was in the maze- Owen's brain jolted awake. His surroundings came into focus. He looked up at the demon sitting on the bed in the jail cell. "Apo, you've gotta survive for the both of us."
Then Owen's body went limp, and Buddy rolled to the floor and kept going. Owen was finally unconscious.
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