CHAPTER 3: THE WIDENING GAP

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every time we went home from events.
I would make sure to punish Sam
She knew why so she accepted it fully.
This was her way to say sorry and this was my way to say that she's mine.
I would make sure to engrave it into every inch of her body that we were meant to be together.
This is a fight I cannot afford to lose so I made sure to delay on purpose, stopping when she was just right at her peak then starting all over again.
I was selfish I know. It's mean but that's why I call it a punishment. At least this way I know that she has me on her mind every second that we were making love.

S: why are you always so aggressive lately?
M: don't like it?
S: I like seeing you happy
M: but are you happy?
S: I always am when I'm with you.

Sam then proceeded to kiss me passionately asking for control.
I smiled coz I know she would.
A person like Sam can't stay still being submissive for long.

S: this time let me lead.
M: come

Our nights are always blissful.
Sometimes I wonder just how much pent-up energy we both have.
Mine comes with jealousy and anger but what was Khun Sam's drive I wonder?

Another day, another set of proposals from those idiots wanting to get closer to Sam and of course if the offer is great, she would never say no.
Using money and power as a tool for potential match making, I am so over it.
Again, I'm stuck with the misery of being born poor.
Why wasn't I born rich? Can I really have Khun Sam?
Do I really deserve her?
Is this really the best that I can do?
Should I just be contented with staying behind her shadow the rest of our lives?

These thoughts are depressing but I can't shake them off.
I have always thought that I wasn't good enough for her and that's why I have been trying so hard to improve myself.
I made sure to learn a lot. To be better and to strive to become the best at what I do but it doesn't ever seem enough.

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