GAP 2: ROAD TO FOREVER

CHAPTER 95: STRENGTH

I have been waiting for God knows how long

My eyes never left the red sign above the operating room

I was wondering if I stopped blinking if it would make me comprehend what has happening more

I looked at the swivel doors in front of me with vigor...

Wishing for the doctor to come out any minute now to tell me that Sam was okay

I was not really registering the blur of people moving all around me, so I was surprised when a sudden pair of hands hugged me

My mom's sent slowly registering and that gave me a small comfort I desperately needed

I felt so drained... still blaming myself for what has happened today

If only I came back to my senses sooner, I would have seen that Sam needed immediate assistance and this could have all been avoided

GOD! I imagined Sam in her state still trying to comfort me and support me and that absolutely abhorrently broke me more than anybody could have ever imagined

My tears no longer dropped though my heart was still bleeding

I think I cried a river tonight and had effectively dried out my tear ducts

I grimaced at the thought of me still trying to come up with lame ass jokes right now

GOD! SAM! please come out now!
Please be okay!
I need you baby!
Please!

My mom just silently hugged me and patted my back
Letting my emotions revel at the reality of our circumstances

It's sadistically funny how the tables have turned

Is this my punishment for hurting Sam?

Was this what she went through too when I was the one lying there?

I never imagined hating the hospital more than i already have

Looking back at my decisions
I really did utterly fucked up!

I admired Sam strength for holding on for this long coz I knew I couldn't

If she ends up losing her memories too I will seriously throw a fit!

Human as I am, I will really declare war at the heavens and all the Gods that have watched and let this happen to us!

This is really starting to become a sick joke!

I'm not even entertaining the possibility of Sam not making it right now

That's the only way to keep sane and i'm barely winning as it is

The numbing pain in my head was overcome by the pain my heart and soul was feeling right now

I needed to adjust all my memories in order first

I need to face Sam as complete as I could be

That's the least I could do for her

I just continuously hung on to my mom and was desperately trying to calm down

Trying to normalize my breathing and clear my mind
Trying to stay strong for Sam

It took a while before I was able to calm myself enough to be able to talk to anyone

I was a mess... I know
I fret as I imagined how I looked right now

I looked down at my now dried up clothes...
noticing the creases, the blood stains along with the sand that was all over me and laughed at how crazed up I was begging people to lend me money like this