GAP 2: ROAD TO FOREVER

CHAPTER 21 : BITTER GOODBYES

My mood was bringing the group down so I decided to settle what was on my mind first, and that would always be Sam.

I excused myself and looked everywhere for her.
I think i've circled the entire place multiple times but I still can't find her.

I am already dripping in sweat and the humid air is making me more uncomfortable.
Where could Sam have gone?
Did she go home? No she wouldn't leave without me.

Ohhh Why haven't I thought of Duan Pen? She would definitely be there right?
Let's go, let's try.

Ahhhhh I knew she would be here.
I saw Sam sitting in the driver's seat. She wasn't crying which was a good sign. When I got closer though I saw her expression and took back what I just said. No it's not a good sign. It's a bad sign. A very very bad sign.

Sam was looking straight at me but was not actually seeing me. How long has she been like this? Has she been like this for the past hour since she left the room? Shiiit why didn't I go after her? Sigh now I'm feeling extra guilty!

I opened the car door and sat beside her. I called her multiple times but she is not responding.
At this point, I don't know if she's just in shock or if she is just ignoring me.
I took hold of one of her shoulders and lightly shaked her.

M: Sam. Sam....
(she was still in a daze but I could see her slowly responding. So I tried again)
M: Darling, I'm here can u here me?
(That finally got her attention. Her eyes were still unfocused but she's slowly coming back. Sigh what have I done to Sam! Sam always seemed strong on the outside but if you get to know her, you would know she was really weak. This is also one of the reasons why her grandma wanted me to be the strong one. So i can support Sam when she needs me too. I hated her grandma's methods but I understood why she did the things she did. This gave me more resolve to reinvent myself. I need to be better for Sam)

I touched her cheek and turned her head toward me.

M: what are thinking about Sam?
S: i was thinking of my life without you
M: what are talking about Sam, you will always have me. I'm going to be Khun Sam's wife!
S: a lot can happen in 5 years Mon
M: are you going to fall in love with someone else?
S: never
M: see? Me too. Then what's the problem?
S: then why do I feel like you're saying goodbye to me Mon?

(Sam was always perceptive and sometimes I hated that about her. I was trying to hide it as long as I could; what I really meant when I said I was leaving.
I didn't want to do this either Sam. I'm sure I can't afford to truly leave you either.
Even just thinking about it now, breaks my heart and seeing you like this breaks what little confidence I have left that I could live without you.

Should I tell u how I begged your grandmother to let me stay with u? Can I tell u how much i'm suffering right now Sam?
Is there a chance you will choose me for once?
If I beg you will you choose me?
Is it ok for me to let you choose or is that too selfish of me?
But leaving you like is selfish too. U deserve to know but I still can't tell you)

(I took Sam's hands in mine and kissed it lightly then I followed by creating a trail of kisses over her body at least this way I could make her feel how much I love her. I could even kiss the road u walk on Sam, that's how much I love u but u would never know)

S: you always do this to me Mon. This is what u do when ur dodging my questions and it makes me feel worse because u doing this proves ur saying goodbye to me

(I can hear the pain in Sam's voice and that broke me. I can't cry... I can't cry... I can't cry!
Mon, hold it in! You've gotta stay strong right now. U can't give in. This is the perfect time to break up with Sam. This is your only chance! Be mean if u have too!

Sam's tears were falling non stop and her body was shivering. How could I afford to hurt her anymore than I already have? I'm breaking on the inside.

Lately all I feel when I see Sam is sadness. Knowing our time is numbered,
knowing i'm forced to leave her and that we both wouldn't be able to take it makes me devastated.

I love Sam with all of me but what can I do when I'm only in second place in your list of priorities?

Should I give it a shot? Should I ask her? Will I be able to take her answer though is the biggest question.

The reason why i'm leaving is because I don't want to hear her response because I know no matter what her answer was it would break us.

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Whoooa that was sooooo heavy!
Even as I wrote it I felt their desparation.

How r u guys feeling?
Let me grab some tissue for u 😭

What do u guys think?
Should Mon give Sam a chance to choose? Or is running away the better option?

Comment, vote and share guys!

Thank u for reading! I appreciate all of u!

Love u all 😘