GAP 2: ROAD TO FOREVER

CHAPTER 10 : TELL ME

The freezing room really felt extra chilly today.
Sam was sitting by her desk busying herself with paperwork, not even bothering to greet me.
This is when I knew something was definitely wrong.
Since Sam and I got together, her office became our second home. It was our time away from the watchful eyes of others. She would only ever call me to snuggle with me.
Even when she called me for work, it would always come second after our baby time.

But this right now felt eerily familiar to the Sam who didn't love me. I feel like any minute now she would lash at me. The sad thing is with all the secrets i've been keeping from her, I don't know which one I got caught with.

I'm just praying it's not the money. Anything but that.
Grandma wouldn't be that cruel right? She sent me away to give me a chance to prove myself right? I still had 3 weeks left. She's not the type to go back on her word so i'm sure it's not that.

So what is it then?
Is it Harvard?
But it couldn't be. The results haven't come out yet, so she couldn't have known.

Then what is it?
we spent 5 mins of silence.
Me stuck on my thoughts and preventing myself from hyperventilating and Sam on her work.

This is nerve wracking.
Why am I so nervous when i'm in front of my girlfriend?

M: Sam
S: (Sam looked at me but didn't speak. Her gaze was so piercing that it made it hard to breathe. This is bad! She definitely knows something but what is it? Or rather how did she know)
(She slowly pulled out a big white envelope from under her desk and from the corner of my eye I saw the words HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL)
TELL ME. (Was all she said. She said it though in a very bone chilling way. Devoid of any emotions. It has been a long time since i've seen her this way so I don't know how to act. This is Ceo khun Sam speaking. She isn't my Khun Sam)
(I'm thinking of the best way to get out of this situation and the best that I can think of is delay)

M: Let's talk at home love. This isn't the right place to have this conversation. (I was praying that this would work! I need more time to think. I can't deal with Sam right now)
S: I have been waiting. U had all the chances to tell me but u never did. Now tell me Mon. What is this?
M: (when Sam is like this, it means she's not willing to negotiate. She wants answers and she wants it now. But what am i supposed to tell her?
Funny that u asked that Sam, actually ur grandma forced me to leave u hahaha this is annoying. I think i'm going crazy!
I was stuck there in silence not knowing what to say and Sam was stuck in silence waiting for an explanation. This is not a good place to be. I decided to dodge the bullet)

M: I don't even know if I got in.
When did you receive the envelope?
S: u got in. 2 weeks ago
M: y didn't u tell me? (So that explains y i haven't gotten the letter yet. She found it before I could and held on to it sigh. I don't know if I should applaud Sam's patience or hate it. She made me suffer for so long!)
S: why didn't you?
M: because I didn't know if I could even get in
S: now that u've gotten in. Now what?
M: i haven't thought that far off yet!
S: that's bullshit Mon and u know it! U wouldn't have applied if u weren't sure!
Ur leaving me aren't you?
M: ur the one who told me to get a masters and a PhD in Harvard!
S: don't make me as an excuse! Tell me!

Our voices were getting loud that people were beginning to notice. The silence outside was defeaning so they can definitely hear our argument.
I was conscious of this fact and tried to get Sam to back off.

M: Sam let's talk later please. This isn't the right time nor the right place to be discussing this
S: it's my company, I can do whatever I want. Now stop stalling and tell me Mon!
M: fine! U want the truth? I'm tired Sam. Every time I'm with u, I feel like my confidence was depleting.
It's not ur fault. It's mine! I'm just not good enough for you Sam. The me right now can't afford to stay by your side.
I'm losing myself more and more. I'm sure u could tell Sam. I wasn't happy. I love you! I really do love you Sam but i've been wallowing in self pity all this time! I kept saying our love is enough! As long as Sam loves me I can be happy but i'm miserable!
I don't want to be just an employee! I don't want people thinking ohh she's so lucky Sam loves her and thinking all that I have done was because u loved me! I want to stand proudly beside u too Sam! And for that I need to leave you!

(Sam was staring at me in silence. I can feel the hurt in her eyes. She's trying not to cry but her tears betrayed her.
I knew what I was doing to Sam was wrong but what other choice do I have? Lying by using half truths was the best strategy I can think of.
I just didn't know it would hurt like this. Hurting Sam was the worst feeling I could've ever felt. I thought the pain I was going through this past few months was bad enough, but it cannot even compare to the pain I felt when I hurt Sam. How could one even go on after hurting their entire world?)

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Hi loves!!
How's ur heart?
Mine's bleeding ugh

Who do you think is in the right?
Is it Sam or Mon?

Tell me what u think! I love reading about them :)
Comment, vote and share please and thank u!!