GAP 2: ROAD TO FOREVER

CHAPTER 88 : INTENTIONS

Sam POV

I hated the fact that we had come to this!
All I wanted was to be with u Mon!
All I wanted was to be happy!
but I guess that's too much to ask...

I didn't want to bring up the past
I don't even know why i'm even saying these things
I wanted to carry it with me alone
I wanted u to only be happy Mon
I never wanted to hurt you but my mouth was moving without me knowing
I was cursing myself everytime I said something stupid yet I couldn't stop
It felt weird
I didn't want to say it but it made me feel lighter
I guess i'm just too messed up Mon
I'm hurting u to make me feel better
can it get any worse than that?

Are u there God?
I hope you're happy because I'm not
If u can hear me please protect Mon!
Please give her happiness!
I have already accepted my fate but I beg you to please give her the happiness she deserves!

If u can give her back to me one day, i'd thank u for it
Even if I don't believe in u, I am trying my best to send a little prayer now
I hope u can at least hear me out if you're real

if me and Mon aren't meant to be then can you  please find her someone who can love more than I could ever give her?
she at least deserves that much for all the shit i've put her through

She's gone through enough.
Please give her a break.

U can give her my share of happiness too if there's too little to share
that's ok she can have it all
I'll be fine
I'm used to being miserable

The things i'm saying now
I knew I had to say it
I don't want to but I had to do it.

I had to do it now
I had to let her go before we both get destroyed and consumed

It kills me to admit it Mon but this is the end of the line for us

I have to let u go

U deserve your own happiness

Staying with me would only bring u back to the hell u wanted to escape from

I really did love u MonMon
More than u would ever know

If we both survive this, i wanted u to at least know that

U can hate me.

That's fine Mon
Use it as a motivation to choose your own happiness
I'll set you free!

(I smiled bitterly cursing under my breath
My body feels weak
My hands are clammy
It wanted to bring u close to me but I shook my head and made up my mind
You can do it Sam
Do it for Mon!)

S: we both need time Mon
I guess my grandma was right all along
I shouldn't have come here
I should've given u space
This isn't working Mon...

M: so you're on her side?
You're still choosing her?!
After everything we have been through because of her Sam, u still choose her?!

S: I will always choose u Mon.
No matter in what universe,
No matter in what timeline
It would only ever be you

I'm choosing to save us the only way i know how Mon
I need to let you go

M: by running away Sam?!
How is that the solution?
All you do is push me away!

S: Mon, u and I both know that being with each other would only bring us more pain

M: No! I don't know that Sam!
I refuse to believe that!
How is being away from u our only choice?!
There has to be another way!

S: can u think of anything Mon?
Because I tried! We tried!
I thought of any other solution but I couldn't find one Mon!
We'll always go back to hurting each other and I can't bare that!

M: and what's next Sam?
What will happen to us after we break up?!
Do u think we can ever be happy again?
Do u honestly believe I would be happier without u?!
You're out of your mind Sam!

S: let's find ourselves first and heal Mon
Let's do that for each other
No more blaming
No more fighting

If one day, we can learn to love ourselves fully then let's find each other again and love each other better

If time permits
If fate allows
If your heart doesn't change

M: that's bullshit Sam and u know it!
You can't learn to love yourself even if you tried and I can't either!
The only chance we ever had was by loving each other Sam!
We can only learn to love ourselves better by staying together!

S: Mon, don't make this harder than it already is

M: so what now Sam?
Do u honestly expect me to believe that u planned to change?

U just wanted to die right?!
well I won't let you!

S: if I promise you I won't die Mon, will you let me leave?

M: No! Never!
U want to leave like this Sam?!

Weren't u the one who said u couldn't afford to leave me?!

Did u mean none of your words?!

How could u say u couldn't afford to leave then turn around and tell me you're leaving me!

That's ridiculous Sam!
None of this is making any sense!

S: choosing to leave you Mon was and still is the hardest decision i have ever done in my life!

When I said I couldn't afford to leave u Mon, I meant every word of it!

I don't know how to live without u Mon...

But i don't know what else to do!

M: we just need to stop fighting Sam...
Stay with me and fight alongside me!
Isn't that what we are supposed to do?
U told me to trust u right?
That we could make it through together?
Now I need you to stand by it!
Choose to fight with me!
Don't leave me Sam!

S: and how are we able to do that Mon?
How can we pull through this if we can't even trust each other?

M: i don't know Sam!
But we can figure that out together!

S: but how Mon?
Can u tell me honestly Mon, that u will trust me if I stayed?

M: I honestly don't know Sam!
There are things that I want to tell you!
A ton of things!
I want to be completely honest with u too Sam
But I don't know how or where to start

S: then don't we already have our answer Mon?

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Hi loves,

How was this chapter?

Heavy? Haha

Yeaaaaah Sam's povs are always heavy I wonder when she can finally be happy sigh

Do u guys agree with Sam?
Do u think leaving is the right choice?

Or do u agree with Mon?

Do u think this is goodbye?

Woooooot i wonder what the next chapters would look like

Do u guys hate me now?

Ohhhh no!
Author will be hiding again

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Love,
Your "wanted" author
Cha 😘