GAP 2: ROAD TO FOREVER

CHAPTER 30 : MY THOUGHTS & I

It was not long until we reached the hospital and the team was scrambling to bring Mon in.

I wanted to follow but my feet have given in. So there I was, left sitting in the hospital entryway like an idiot!

I wanted to stop crying!
I wanted to stop feeling this pain! I would do anything to be in Mon's place!

This is so unfair! Why did I have to go through this Mon? Why did u have to hurt me like this?!
This feels worst than dying! Haven't you tortured me enough Mon? I couldn't take anymore of this! I'm barely hanging on!

I pinched myself as hard as I could! I needed to wake up!
I have to stop being weak! I want to be beside u Mon, but how can I when I can't even will my body to walk toward you!

You really decided on leaving me Mon. why? I don't understand! Why won't you at least tell me? What did i do? Where did I go wrong?
Didn't you think that I deserved to know?

I knew u wanted to leave me, u made it so obvious... but never in a million years have I thought that it would be like this!
Did u do this because I tried to stop u Mon? Was this your revenge because I couldn't let you go? You're so mean! how could u do this to me?

First it was Harvard and now this?! What's next Mon? I can't take anymore! Please please please just come back already!

what the hell am I even doing here?
Mon wanted this right? so why am i still fighting? Shouldn't I respect her decision? She wanted to die right? She chose to leave me right?! There was no other explanation! She wanted to die!

My head felt like it was splitting, my feet were cramming, my eyes blurring and even my ears were ringing.
What else are you gonna be giving me today God?! How much more are u going to hurt me?!
I seriously had more than enough! Please have mercy on me even just a little. I'm begging u! I'm not asking for much! please I can deal with everything else but can u please spare Mon? Please give her back!
I need my MonMon back! Please! U can take everything else!

The thought of Mon killing herself was so vivid! I couldn't get it out of my head! I tried to close my eyes but it was still there!

No Sam! Don't jump into conclusions! Mon just ughmm got foot cramps and drowned yeah that's it.
She didn't want to die. She didn't leave you. She loves you!
Yeah foot cramps definitely foot cramps.

So she jumped in the pool wearing her dress because she wanted to Swim? Yeah yeah she didn't have the time to change!

That's right! That's what happened! Mon didn't choose to leave u on purpose Sam! She loves you! calm down... Calm down! Mon will be back! She will come back. Breathe! Smile! You can do it! You're good at this right? Pulling yourself together and pretending to be happy so why can't u do it now?!

I can't do this! Just who are u kidding Sam! How could u believe such a dumb excuse! You're better than this!
Don't fool yourself!
She was trying to kill herself and u know it! Why are u still making up excuses?

But If she wanted to die, she wouldn't have struggled to stay alive all this time right? Right?
She would've given up already right?

But didn't she already die? It was you who wanted her to live! You're the one who's not giving up!
She's being revived against her will because of you! All of this is your choice! This is so epic because that's so you...this is what u do!
U only care about what u want!

When was the last time you asked Mon what she wanted huh? If you did she probably wouldn't have chosen to kill herself! It was u! U killed her!
U don't deserve her! U couldn't even let her go even when she begged you to. U don't respect Mon! U don't love her!