GAP 2: ROAD TO FOREVER

CHAPTER 44 : SEEDS OF DOUBT

It has been 3 months since Mon left, and I was still miserable.

I felt like I have become more and more miserable every day since she left.

I didn't have much news about her.

I tried asking her parents and even tried calling the hospital directly but the only thing they were telling was that she was doing well.

They told me that she was making progress and was she was responding to treatments but didn't tell me any of the specifics that I wanted.

Eventually they stopped taking my calls and only answered occasionally.

I guess calling every couple of hours was annoying.

My grandma eventually couldn’t take seeing me like this, so she came to me one day.

G: Sam what are you doing?

S: (I smiled weakly) I told you I’d die grandma

G: Are you doing this to prove a point?

S: No. I really just need Mon grandma. I miss her

G: Have I raised you to be this weak Sam?

Do u really not see how ridiculous you have become?

How could u let one woman ruin you like this?

How could you allow your world to revolve around one person?

I told u Sam, there was no such thing as forever!

What are going to do if she chooses to love someone else?

Are you just going to end up killing yourself too?

S: (i smiled begrudgingly) i probably would

G: God Sam! Can you even hear yourself right now?

How could u even say that!

How can u give up on your life like that? And all for one person?

Have u no consideration for all the people that u would leave behind when u do?

S: i'm trying grandma, but i'm seriously losing my mind.
It's so painful...
I don't know what else to do!
I'm barely even living like this. I'm still alive but I felt like my heart was already grieving for me.
Life without Mon is not life at all.

G: I don't know how u have managed to let yourself reach this point Sam.

All I wanted was for both of you to be stronger for each other.

you have managed to survive 30 years without her, why can’t you do it now?

I told you you’re better than this!

Why are u making me so upset?

Why are constantly disappointing me Sam?

Don't you love me anymore?

S: I do. I have always loved and respected you grandma.

I’m sorry.

I don’t know why I’m like this either

I don’t want to be this weak too but I just can’t help it.

I don't know when Mon started to mean this much to me.

I miss her so much grandma.

I can't continue living like this

Can u please let me see her?

I’ll get better when I see Mon.

I promise to pull myself together and go back to work.

Please just... I really just need to see Mon