The Way I Hate You

Chapter 31

When do people fall out of love? When do we realize that we're slowly slipping away from the person we thought we could hold onto forever?

For someone like me, I can't grasp the reason why the person who promised me to stay had the strength to leave and let go. Akala ko noon ay sapat na ang pagmamahal para manatili kayo sa isa't isa. Ngunit hindi pala sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay pagmamahal ang bubuo sa'min, minsan ito rin ang dudurog sa'min... sa'kin.

Mavy left a big scar on my heart that night. It was too deep, too painful that it felt like I will never be healed again. Siya 'yung taong naging kakampi ko bukod kay Matthew. Sa kanya ko ipinagkatiwala ang puso kasi naniwala ako na iingatan niya 'yon. And I have always felt safe being in his arms the whole time when we were together.

Normal sa magkasintahan na mag-away. During our relationship, we didn't argue a lot. If we did, it was the smallest things yet we make sure that we compromise. Pero sa pagkakataong ito, hindi ko inakala na matatapos kami dahil din sa argumento. Hindi ko lubos inakala na pareho kaming mapapagod at mapupuno sa pagkakataong ito dahil ni minsan ay hindi naman sumagi sa isip ko ang sumuko. And now that we're over, I don't know how to function without him. He became my battery, my source of strength, my companion. Now that he's gone, life seem to be empty and lonely without him. I was used to his presence, and now, I miss him already.

One week had passed and I'm still locked up in my room. Lalo akong nawalan ng gana kumain at gabi-gabi rin ang pag-iyak ko. I can't help it. This is the first time that my heart has been broken so much.

Nakadungaw ako sa labas ng bintana mula sa higaan ko habang pinapanood ang malakas na pagbuhos ng ulan. Wala akong ganang kumilos kaya hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na akong nakasandal lang sa higaan ko. I started hating the rain after we broke up that night. Paulit-ulit lang kasi nitong pinapaalala ang lalaking dumurog ng puso ko.

My train of thoughts disappeared when I heard a knock on the door. Hindi pa man ako tumatayo para buksan ang pinto ay kusa na itong bumukas kasabay ng pagdating ni Lori.

I saw how tears filled her eyes when her eyes landed on me. Parang may kung anong tumusok din sa puso ko at napuno rin ng luha ang mata ko.

"N-Nads..." she mumbled before running towards me to hug me.

It was so tight that I almost lost my breathe, but I never cared. Ilang araw ko siyang hindi nakita at isa siya sa tanong namiss ko habang nakakulong ako rito sa bahay.

"Pano mo nalaman na nandito ako?" naiiyak na tanong ko.

She wiped my tears with her thumb. "Hinanap ko si Kate sa school nung hindi ka sumasagot sa mga tawag ko," paliwanag niya. "Sinubukan niyang itanggi nung una dahil ayaw siyang mapagalitan nila Tito pero kusa na rin siyang lumapit sa'kin kanina para sabihin ang sitwasyon mo. Wala pa ngayon sina Tito kaya nakapunta ako rito."

Bakas sa mukha niya ang pag-aalala habang nakatingin sa'kin. But I felt more happy to see her right now. Hindi maayos ang lagay niya nung huling beses kaming magkita kaya hindi ko rin mapigilan ang pag-aalala sa kanya lalo't dahil sa kalagayan niya noon.

"Ano bang nangyari, Nads? Nabalitaan ko rin 'yung nangyari sa Cryptic Blue. Ayos lang ba kayo ni Mavy? Alam ba niyang nandito ka?" sunud-sunod ang pagtatanong niya.

Kinagat ko ang labi para subukang pigilan ang muling nagbabadyang luha ngunit nabigo pa rin akong pigilan ito. "L-lori... wala na kami..." humihikbing saad ko.

I felt her arms around my back as she let my head rest on her shoulder. I cried to her for a few more minutes until I was ready to tell her everything that had happened. I told her everything except the part where I chose to come to her because I didn't want her to think she was at fault. Hindi naman niya kasalanan na siya ang pinuntahan ko dahil ako ang may kagustuhan na puntahan siya. And I don't have any regrets about that because I know that she'll do the same... just like now... she's here.