Woman [on phone]: Request claim on claim numbers 158183....
[Bob presses his telephone message button.]
Mr. Huph: HAVEN'T YOU GOTTEN HIM, WHERE IS HE!? PLEASE!
Mr. Huph's Secretary: [over the intercom] Mr. Huph would like to talk to you in his office.
Bob: Now?
Mr. Huph's Secretary: Now...
[He eventually gets up from his office and heads to Huph's Office. Mirage slowly walks and leaves something on his desktop.]
[At Huph's Office, he sharpens his Pencil and aligns it with other 3.]
Mr. Huph: Sit down, Bob.
[He does, moving the 4th pencil. Huph re-aligns it and starts.]
Mr. Huph: I'm not happy, Bob. NOT, HAPPY. [He gets up.] Ask me why.
Bob: Okay. Why?
Mr. Huph: Why what? Be specific, Bob.
Bob: Why are you unhappy?
Mr. Huph: Your customers make me unhappy.
Bob: What, you've gotten complaints?
Mr. Huph: Complaints? I can handle. What I can't handle is your customers' inexplicable knowledge of lnsuricare's inner workings!! They're experts! EXPERTS, Bob! Exploiting every loophole, dodging every obstacle! They're PENETRATING the bureaucracy!
Bob: Did I do something illegal?
Mr. Huph: [begrudgingly] No........
Bob: Are you saying we shouldn't help our customers?
Mr. Huph: The law requires that I answer no.
Bob: We're supposed to help people!
Mr. Huph: We're supposed to help OUR PEOPLE! Starting with our stockholders, Bob! Who's helping them out, HUH?!
[He sighs and regains composure.]
Mr. Huph: You know, Bob....
[He moves a letter that says:]
{Memo: Policy Notification}
{To: Employee}
{From: Gilbert Huph}
{Due to financial cut-backs, you will be expected to self-expense all office supplies, including but not limited to pencils, erasers, pens, paper, stationery, folders, staples, paper clips, brads, and photocopies. All parking will now be metered by the hour. Electricity consumption and all telephone charges will be deducted from your paycheck.
The Board of Directors at Insuricare wishes to thank you for your selfless sacrifice through this time of financial uncertainty. It is because of you, the employee, that Insuricare has recorded its highest profit in years. Remember, a successful company makes for successful employees. Every penny you save is another penny that goes in...[the rest is covered by Huph's finger]}
{Salutations, Gilbert Huph}
Mr. Huph: ...a company...
Bob: Is like an enormous clock.
Mr. Huph: ...is like an enormous clo--- Yes, precisely! It only works...if all the little cogs...mesh together! Now, a clock needs to be clean, well-lubricated and wound tight. The best clocks have jewel movements, cogs that fit, that cooperate by design. [chuckling] I'm being metaphorical, Bob...You know what I mean by cooperative cogs? Bob? Bob...
[Mr. Huph furiously grabs Bob by the chin and angrily pulls him toward him.]
Mr. Huph: LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, PARR.
[Outside Mr. Huph's office a man is being mugged]
Bob: That man out there, he needs help!
Mr. Huph: Do NOT change the subject, Bob! We're discussing YOUR! ATTITUDE!
Bob: He is getting mugged!
Mr. Huph: Well, let's hope we don't cover him!
[Bob gets up out of his seat and heads for the door.]
Bob: I'll be right back.
[And just when Bob puts his hand on the doorknob, Mr. Huph threatens him:]
Mr. Huph: Stop.....RIGHT NOW, OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!
[Bob stops; Mr. Huph grins evilly.]
Mr. Huph: Close the door.
[Bob reluctantly does]
Mr. Huph: Get over here....... now.
[Bob lets go of the door knob, now crushed out of shape, and walks over to Mr. Huph.]
Mr. Huph: [While Bob watches the mugger getting away] I'm not happy, Bob. Not happy.
Bob: He got away...
Mr. Huph: Good thing, too. Heh! You were this close to losing your j-
[Bob angrily grabs Mr. Huph by the throat and accidentally throws him through 4 office walls.]
[Everyone stares at Bob in disbelief.]
Bob: Uh-oh...
YOU ARE READING
Incredibles 1
FanfictionIn this lauded Pixar book, married superheroes Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl are forced to assume mundane lives as Bob and Helen Parr with their sister-in-law, Maddie after all super-powered activities have been banned by the government. While Mr. I...
