he saved me

relapsed

I woke up about 10 minutes later on my dad's couch.
Both mcgonagall and my dad stood over me.
I look down my arms and see that they had healed. It wasn't a nightmare. I did actually relapse.
I look up with tears in my eyes and crawl up I'm a ball as I break down.
My cries sounds like screams. I want to hide, I'm ashamed.

I pull the blanket over my face.
I felt a hand on my shoulder.
And hear my father's deep voice.
"Y/n pls don't hide from us"
But I was far to ashamed. He saw me bleeding on the floor once again.
I shocked Fred, and draco and minerva...again.
"Dear, were not mad. You don't have to be ashamed"
I felt minerva rub my feet.

My dad pulled down the blanket from my face. I slowly turn to him. My eyes are puffy and you could see the lines on my tears leave a red print on my cheeks.
Minerva got up and gave me a glass of orange juice, she handed it to my dad who handed it to me.
"Here sweetheart drink something"
I drink it up until its half empty.
"I'll leave you 2 alone" minerva said before walking out.

As soon as the door closes I fall into my dad's arms.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I disappointed you, I'm sorry you had to see that , I'm-"

My dad shushed me and wiped my tears.
" y/n honey breath"
My dad held my hand and guided my breathing.
"The prophecy....i-i. First it looked good but then it shifted and i-i I was evil and i destroyed hogwarts. I killed almost everyone"
My dad shushed me again.
"That isn't going to happen. You y/n snape are not evil. Okay? Believe me, your one of purest hearts. The way you care for people and put their needs before your own. Despite your own well being... the way you care of animals as your equal. You are not and will never we evil"

My dad said kindly in an attempt to calm me. To help me stop the fear.
I got up on the couch and my dad sat next to me. He let me lay my head on my chest. Hearing his heart beath made me calm.
I lift up my head again and pull my knees in.
"But the prophecy-"
My dad cut me off.
"Prophesies can be wrong. Besides didn't you say you aslo saw a good part?"
I nodd at his question.
"Well maybe only the good part comes true. Why don't you focus on that one" he put his arm around me and pulled me in closer.

He wanted me to tell him about it. So I would focus on the good.
"I eem...it was still scary but I helped out. I healed people and stayed away as much as possible. But then voldemort called everyone out to choose their side. I chose hogwarts. Draco too. I fought voldemort to weaken him and then Harry kill him off.
Hogwarts was being build again and everyone was happy. I was happy with you by my side. We survived"
Telling my dad he was alive in the prophecy gave him relief. It seemed like he didn't believe he would make it before.

"Try to forget about the other one. Focus on this one" but that was easier said then done. I kept seeing those images of the people I love bleeding out. If me the emerald witch high up the sky laughing about it. I can't just forget about it.
I stayed in my dad arms. Feeling his embrace, listing to his heart. As he ram his fingers through my hair. He knew it makes me calm. It makes me think about last year. When I had a depressive episode and my hair was 1 big knot. My dad took the time to comb it out. Nice and gentle.
I felt safe with him ever since.
Eventho in that moment I didn't know I could fully trust him again after he entered my mind. But still I felt safe. And that was a feeling I rarely felt.

"So what happens now?" I ask him breaking the comforting silence.
"You will sleep here with me tonight. And I'll keep an eye on you. But maybe you should talk to draco and fred first. If you feel up to it?"
I really wanted to. I felt like I needed to.
I sacred them. Over and over again.
Fred already saw me bleeding out before. So seeing my being carried out the toilets must scared him. And draco aswell. Eventho he never saw me bleed. He saw me run our crying after the prophecy. He knew how I would react. He knew I would be in the bathroom. Eventho draco only had 1 incident with sh, this must surtenly be triggering for him.
So I really wanted to talk to them...only I was to tired.

All I really wanted was to stay in my dads arms. Stay forever. I was safe and shielded from the world. So I didn't want to get up.
"Tomorrow" I answered my dad.
I'll talk to them tomorrow.
He nodded and continued to run his fingers through my hair.
I stayed until I fell asleep.
After a while I felt my dad pull out underneath me and Carry me to bed.
To soft mattress, so much softer than in my dorm.
It's like I was falling into a cloud.
Drifting away to heaven.
With soft blanket on my skin.
I pull it up higher, exposing my feet.
I didn't like the cold so I pulled up my legs.
Nice and warm. Soft and quiet.
Safe and sound.
I slowly drifted away when I felt my dad crawl next to me.
That's the thing I was missing.
Him...
I stretch out my arm to feel how close he lies when I feel his arms wrapped around me.
"I love you" I hear him wisper in my ears.
I was to tired to respond but it made me smile.
How cam one of the worst days make me feel so loved at the end.
I couldn't have asked for a better dad.

One that holds me until i fall asleep.