he saved me

another lose

A few days have past. Severus and the head master thought I needed time to process what happend. I didnt do much to be honest, im still having problems with food. I slept most of the time, well I didn't actually sleep. I just pretend to so severus would leave me alone and didn't make me eat.

Its Thursday already, im going to have to attend classes again, I attended a few yesterday. Severus told me to take it slow but I'm sick and tired of taking it slow. It was now 7 in the morning, I had to get up. I ran a quick shower and was once again reminded of how my body looked. Full of scars, and fat. Ow and a brand new addition, the dark mark. If it wasn't so bad I would actually like the tattoo. But it's more than a 'tattoo'. I put on some baggy clothes, it's the only thing I feel comfortable with lately. I hide my baggy eyes with some concealer, I never really wore make up. Only on special occasions. And it wasn't much either. Just some lip balm and mascara. And if I was feeling bold I'd wear some blush. But lately I wear alot more makeup. Atleast foundation and concealer, it hides the fact I look pale and I'm about the pass out, but also that I've been crying for a week straight.

I got out the bathroom, and went to sit at the table. Severus made me some coffee and an English breakfast. All though it looked delicious my head was preoccupied with how many calories and fats the food might have.
Severus just stared at me, he must have seen the look on my face.
"Here, eat this instead" he said as he handed me a protein bar. I looked at the back to look at the calories it contains. But somebody blacked them out with marker.
"Seriously, you blacked out the label" I looked severus right in the eye.
"Y/n I want you to be honest with me. I know you've had some difficulties with food. Especially lately. The whole week we gave you time to process, I've only seen you eat a Couple off times. And you play around with the food more than you eat it. So pls tell me the truth. When did it start getting bad again" severus asked as he placed his hand on mine.
"The day before you got summond" I say while looking down.
"But I'm fine honestly, look-" I took a big bite out off my protein bar. But my thoughts where immediately filled with self hatred. Severus just gave me a concerned smile.
"I'm going to get my books, I want to meet up with my friends before class" I say as i walk back into the bedroom.

I noticed one of the drawers wasn't completely closed, I tried to close it but it was blocked. I opend the drawer completely, I found my razor box in it - severus could have hid it better -I wanted to ignore it at first. But I kept staring at it. Eventually i gave in and took a clean razor and some plasters put. I kept searching for what was blocking the Cubert from closing. Then I found a letter, with my name on it. The same letter Dumbledore gave to severus a week ago. I wonder why he didn't give this to me.
I opend the letter, it was from the ministry:

Dear miss/mister y/n Foster .
We are sorry to inform you that daisy Foster ( mother) has passed a few weeks ago.

Reading those few words left me to shock. I fell to the ground as I read the  rest of the letter.

She was found in a ditch close to the rehab center of London. An autopsy was done. This informed us that she passed away of an alchol overdose.

I started to breath heavily.
Snape walked in as soon as he heard my heavy breath.
"Y/n-" He tried to say something but I cut him off.
"When were you going to tell me, were you even planning to!!! I can't believe you". I got up and slammed the door shut, with a simple hand movemen. Its seems my powers respond on my emotions. I closed the drawers and took my school bag. I walked out of his Chambers, severus just looked so shocked. Like he couldn't say anything.
Before I ran out I gave him an angry look as tears coverd my face. I quickly wiped then away when I entered the hallway, not wanting anyone to see my emotions.

I ran into the bathroom crying, took out my razors. I rolled up my sleeves  and pulled down my pants. I digged the knife through my skin, creating one line after another. I didn't know how to deal with this pain. It was my fault, I should have taken better care of her, she died all alone because of me, "I deserve this" I kept saying to myself. Eventually when I stopped sobbing, I also stopped cutting. I dapped some toilet paper onto the cuts, until they kinda stopped bleeding.  I look at my thighs and arms. Realising the damage I had done, my thighs and arms were coverd. The cuts went through some old scars. My whole arm was coverd. I placed some bandages on then and rapped them up.

I tried to calm myself down and pulled my pants back up, And pulled my sleeves down. I got up out of the bathroom stall and washed my face in the sink. I walked out into the hall way and bump into draco.
"Hey are you oke?" Draco said. I looked down and pulled on my sleeves, to make sure everything is hidden.
"Im fine draco" I said as I tried to walk past him. He grabbed my arm as I tried to leave. I let out a small gasp of pain.
"Ow sorry the mark must not have healed yet. I just wanted to say that I'm here for you if you want to talk about the mark and voldemort thing" he gave me a smile then tried to walked away. He turned around for a moment and took a good look at me, " my mother wants you to know that your alway welcome to stay with us if you'd like" he turned around again and preceeded to walk away.

This is the most he ever spoke to me. I didnt know he could be this kind. I always saw how he treated Harry. But now that I know about his situation with the dark Lord , it explains the situation. Maybe he's just misunderstood.

I kept walking until I reached the gryfindoor common room. I tried to walk in but, the door already opend. Fred and George came walking out.
"Ow hey guys, eem I was just trying to find you. Where are Harry, ron and hermione?" I asked.
"They are in the great hall" George answered. Right breakfast.
We all went out the the great hall. Fred on my left en George on my right.

"Hey are you oke?" Fred asked.
"Eem ye it's complicated, can we talk about it another time?" I said uncomfortable. 'We actually havend talked about our kiss, before i went into the building to save severus"
"Ow right ye. Eem I've been thinking about that alot, I'm sorry if I rushed you" fred went on to apologise.
"Fred...Fred!!! Pls stop talking"
I turn to him and kiss him on the lips. My feeling and emotions were all over the place. I was mad at severus, sad about my mother. But so in love with fred. I leaned more onto him, and left his warm soft lips. I slowly pulled away and said "sorry we didn't have a chance to talk about but i really wanted to do this. I'm honestly not sure what this means but maybe we should talk about it when we are alone bc George is staring at us"
"Right sorry" George said.

Fred gently placed his arm around my shoulder, and pulled me in for a short hug. I gave him a kind smile and we walked into the dining hall. I sat myself at the gryfindoor table, I rarely sit at the slytherin table. Don't really have any friends there.
"Ow hey y/n" hermione said as I sat down.
"Hi" I said quietly
I just sat there not talking much or following the conversation. I was too much in my head. I held the tears in as long as I could but then George asked..."so are you know telling us what's wrong?" The tears fell down my face, I started to make crying noise and occasional gasping for hair.
"My..my  mmum she..she died" I said underneath my breath. " and its..its my fault" I added.
"What no, y/n it's not your fault. I don't know how she died but I'm sure you wouldn't have been able the change it" Harry said trying to comfort me.
"No your right, you don't know anything about how she died or who she was" I slammed my hands softly on the table, I felt everyones concerning eyes on me. I stormed out of the dinning Hall, as i loudly sobbed.

I ran into the bathroom, took my razors out again. But this time, I was going to make an end to it....

Author: Hey everyone, I just wanted to ask whether yall are still enjoying the story. The last few chapters have gotten less reads, so I wanted to know if you're still enjoying this. I will continue the story anyway but, your opinion may influence how many chapters this story will contain. I have still some ideas but y/n has been through alot in a short time so I might keep them for another story. Anyway I'm always open for advice.
Also sorry if I don't publish my chapters as fast as I did in the beginning of the story. I haven't always felt up to it and I need to take care of my mental health. This story is kind of an outlet for me though, but sometimes it can get difficult. Oke now I'm done talking xxx see ya in the next chapter :3