he saved me

legilimency

Y/n pov:

Before class started I went to see luna. I feel like I haven't seen her much even though talked to her yesterday before the incident.

" Hey luna ", "o hi y/n" she said as she came up to hug me. Her warm embrace felt so comforting, luna is the best huger. She held on to me tight, as she slowly let me go she looked me in the eye. "Have you been sleeping?" I told luna that I had nightmares when i was younger, every time something happend. Like remember of what my dad did to me or something with my mom. She must suspect that I got nightmares again.

" so y/n? Have you been sleeping or not? Pls tell me of you got nightmares again, I can try to make you a potion" luna said Concerned.
" ye I eem have been having nightmares, but you don't need to worry sev- eem I mean professor snape gave me a dreamless potion for last night" luna looked at me surprised

" does that mean he knows about yk?" She asked trying not to trigger me by anything saying about the rape and abuse. " eem ye he does, actually " I say awkwardly hoping luna won't get jealous.
" wel I'm happy you confided in someone " she said with a big proud smile on her face as she gave me a hug.

" shall we go to class" luna said after the hug. " we shall" I say as I put my arm over her shoulders.
" your a really great friend you know that luna". " ow I love you too" she replied.

Snapes pov:

Class was about to start, I had prepared to teach them how to make the dreamless sleeping potion. I had to teach them soon an I thought this might be good for y/n.

A few stupid gryfindoors came walking in, I hate that group. I can only tolerate students from ny house but miss felecia ( or something i can never remember the name of that swine ) and her "followers " have such foolish and childish behaviour. She thinks she is the leader but she didn't even deserve to be in slytherin.

After that I saw y/n coming in, with miss lovegood around her neck. And they're smiling? I have never seen y/n smile like that. There eyes glisterd? But what about this morning, they didn't eat anything. I noticed her clothes where looser on her than the last time she wore them.

" everyone get seated" I say in a emotionless voice.
I gave everyone instructions on how to make the potion. I saw that y/n was distracted I wanted to ask them how they where but I didn't want to class to notice that I treat them differently.

" miss Foster, daydreaming are we?" I say in my strict voice. " right I'm sorry professor, I was just eem I was just writing down some instructions" she said while looking down.
" let's the a look" I took the book off the Table. It was their diary.

It wrote

I'm at an all time low...thinking about killing myself on a daily. Everyone loves but I feel like they hate me. I cant explain the way that I feel, so everyone feels like I hate them. I hate blaming myself for all of this hell. My momma told me I need to get help but she isn't here.( I found this on tiktok its from tylterhateslife)

Reading this I got really emotional, but I couldn't let it show. " stay behind after class" I whisperd in y/n ears when I gave then back their diary.

Y/n's pov:

After class i stayed behind bc severus wanted to talk to me. Everyone bad already left. I sat still at my table, not looking at severus, when I noticed he was next to me. He had placed his hand on my shoulder, wich made me flinch and pull away.
" I'm worried about you y/n-" He tried to finish his sentence but I cut him off with saying " yea...I'm worried about me too"

I look over my shoulder as I see tears in his eyes. The glinster he has while looking at me faded. It was replaced by darkness, sadness and anger.
" y/n all these things that you write its-" I once again cut him off. "It's better than actually doing any of it"
He looked at me, a tear fell down off his soft pale cheeks. He looked scared, I have never seen him like this. I look away not wanting to see him like this. It's hurts me that all of this is affecting him so negatively.

" you haven't been eating again, what is going on in your head" he continued.
" if only you could see" I said softly. Ofc I didn't mean it. But still.
In that moment my head was really dark, it had been all day. Yea I smiled when I was with luna but that didn't take all of this away. My thoughts began racing as I felt something either my mind

I'm not good enough, I'm fat, and ugly. I'm not worth loving. I'm a failure, im a nobody. Stupid, dumb, pig, maniac....AHHHHHH.

My thoughts kept telling myself.

You should kill yourself , take a knife to your skin. Snape wouldn't care, he'd be happy your gone. Go take some pills...and alchol. Or jump off the astronomy tower. You derve everything your dad did to you.

My mind replied memories of what my dad did to me. My suicide attempts and memories of self harm.

I put my head in my hands. I felt snape was in my head the whole time.
"AHHHHH" I scream as I pushed him out.

I looked at his face, he had red puffy eyes. Tears ran down his face.
" how did you-" he tried to ask how I pushed him out of my head. Tbh I don't know myself. " DONT YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN" I yelled as I ran out the room. I had already told him about the rape and abuse but now he really knows. He saw fragments of what my dad did.

I ran into the bathroom, I took out a razor and started cutting my thighs, my stomach, my arms both my wrists and upper arms. My Enkels my hips and so on. I felt the feeling of sweet relieve. But the anger in me still grew. I felt valeted, betrayed like I could never trust him again. But something in me still wanted to trust in severus.

I wiped off the blood of all my cuts spread across my body. I placed bandages as much as I could until I ran out. I wrapped toiletpaper around  some other cuts. After that i went to my private room. I just layed myself in bed and didn't move for hours.

My pillow was wet from all off my tears but I didn't care. I only got up to use the restroom or the get a bottle off alchol I pored down my throat.

Snape's pov:

It was already time for dinner.  Y/n didn't attend their classes or came to lunch. I was sitting in the great hall, I kept looking around to see if I could fined y/n.
" your really worried about her aren't you severus?" Minerva said to me.
" yes I am, I used legilimency on them without their consent. They got really upset wich is understandable. I violated their privacy. " I said
" and the things I saw, it's like everything she said to me but 10 times worse. All the things they went through" I say with a worried tone
" o sev, im sure they will be alright. They are very though, eventho she doesn't always have to be. For now give them some space. I'll go check on them once in awhile" Minerva said
" thanks Minnie"