Ice, Love and Everything in between

Chapter 23

I walked out of the bathroom with tissues in my hand

"here" I said as I kneeled before Nathan and placed the tissue in his hand

He was sitting on the bed, his head hanging low, his eyes all puffy from crying

I still don't know what caused him to break down like this

It was definitely a nightmare but I don't know the reason behind it

"thank you" he said quietly

I let out a sigh

"if you don't wanna talk about it, we don't have to but if you want to, I'll listen" I said

he stayed silent for a moment

I could see him hesitate but he finally spoke up

"it hurts to talk about it" he said with a shaking voice

I gave him a nod of understanding

I have no intention of forcing the answer out of him

"do you think you can go back to sleep?" I asked

he nodded and laid back down

I walked over to the other side and laid down beside him

I turned to the side, facing him, my eyes not leaving his

another tear left his eyes and I wiped it away before it could even reach his chin

It's so strange seeing him like this and it bugs me because I don't know how to make it better

Just when I thought that our conversation was over, he decided to speak up again

"my mom" he whispered

his mom?

"was the nightmare about your mom?" I asked

he just nodded

"what was it about?"

"she left me, again, like every time"

what do I say to this?

"it's okay, you can ask" he said

"I don't mean to pry"

"it's okay, I don't want to keep things from you"

I thought for a moment, trying to form a question that wouldn't hurt him more

"you said your mom left you again, what did you mean by that?"

he took a deep breath before he started talking

"my mom, she died when I was 6. At first my dad didn't want to tell me the cause of her death. Then on my 15th birthday, he told me everything.

She had cancer but still had a few years of life ahead of her. However, she didn't want to suffer and she didn't want for us to see her slowly become weak and lifeless.

So she made a decision. She overdosed. She made my dad promise to tell me when I'm old enough to understand. She also wrote me a letter and I got it as my birthday present that day on my 15th birthday.

She wrote about how she loved me unconditionally and explained why she took her life. She asked me not to blame her and to visit her grave so that we can celebrate my birthday together if I'm not too mad at her.

After reading the letter, I thought that this hole inside of me would finally be filled, that the letter would give me some kind of closure, but it didn't.

After I learned the truth, everything changed. Everytime someone said they have a gift for me, I rejected it because it reminded me of the letter from my mom.