Forbidden from the start

chapter 60

I hate pink.

Pink always made me want to rip my hair of my scalp, smash a bottle of red wine on my dad's freshly painted wall or even throw a rock on my neighbors old deep pink Porsche.

Pink for me is like blood for Olivia, it triggers me.

She always wears those silly bright pastel colors, pink, yellow, blue or whatever. She likes wearing dresses that complement her beautiful white porcelain complexion, something that I don't ever see in another girl. That's the difference with her. Even when I hate something, she wears it, and then, it magically becomes my favorite thing.

Its completely opposite from the pink I face upon my vision. A hot pink I think it is, a terrible shade. I scrunch my eyebrows and nose in disgust while still staring at the unfamiliar wall above me.

Of course I don't like it, and I surely don't want to hide my feelings about it.

If it isn't accompanied by a pair of light blue eyes, a perfect smile like hers or her beautiful dusty blonde hair, then what even makes this hot pink you know, hot?

"Jacob, what the fuck?"

I brink my head up, my eyes go straight at the woman that's standing between my open legs, kneeling gracefully on the pavement.

But her eyes aren't blue and her hair isn't blonde like her's. She has a septum on her button nose, freckles covering her olive skin and the black eyeliner Heavy on her under eyes. She is very hot.

No, like literally, she's red everywhere on her face.

"What?" I ask confused, my mind throngs by the weed and thoughts I had earlier

She looks at me in pure anger, like I murder her family or something.

"That's what we're gonna do know? I'm trying here" her eyes fall furiously on my cock, which is clearly not in the mood for games anymore

Did I just lose my fucking erection?

"I thought you liked me" she fights like it is up to me to wake my duck up for her to put it in her mouth

I don't even remember how we got here, where even am I?

I look around, now my body balanced on my elbows as I observe my length carefully.

"I wanted to fuck you, I'm sure I did" I scrunch my eye's trying to remember anything from the last hour or so

"Firstly, I ignored you calling me Olivia because you forgot my name but thats e-"

"I called you what?" My sudden burst of energy throws her of guard and now I'm sitting up straight with my dick hanging off and my wrapped jeans around my legs trapping me to stay put in my place

"Olivia" she repeats "My name is Alice, fucking Alice dude" she then grabs the gold necklace with the name Alice carved on it

Oh, fucking shit!

"Yeah, sorry the weed must have fucked me up" I try to cover the fact that I just became what I make fun of, panic attacks my mind as I try to find my other clothes

What the hell is wrong with me?

I bent and pull up my boxers and pants in one movement, a small creep of embarrassment making my stomach tighten as the girl watches me getting dressed while she still stands there, clearly wanting more of me.

"That's it?" She scrunches her eyebrows "We're not gonna fuck?"

I do my belt and sigh, my head standing up to avoid her strict stare.

"Seems like it" i shrug

In my twenty three years of existence, I have never, ever done that again. If I start something, I finish it.

And believe me when I say it, I finish it good.

One of the few good things my is electrical old man taught me is to never leave a woman unpleased. He used to say that it shows that you are a true man, not a boy. Even if I'm against to all these crap about what masculinity is, I stuck with that rule my whole entire sexlife.

But now, the last thing I wanna do is sleep with this girl. I'm even surprised with myself at this point.

"Well, that was fun" she exhales in disappointment, her bra already halfway on

"Maybe another time" I smile at her, extending my hand for her to shake

I don't know how to act. Usually when I finish with one women I don't ever say goodbye or anything. I'm not expecting for them to hug me either.

She eyes my hand and giggles, shaking it back before her hands go behind her back and clasp her bra.

"You know where the door is,right?"

I nod my head, walking away while putting my blouse on.

"And for the record.." she calls out before I grab the door handle, I turn around and watch her "Tell that Olivia you like her already"

I gulp, my cheeks going red.

"I'm not stupid" she shakes her head, smiling

"I don't like her" i say "she annoys me, that's my conclusion"

"Are you sure? From the way you moaned her named seemed kinda like it" she shrugs while jumping into her pink shorts

"I hate the color pink" is all that comes out of my mouth "And I see it everywhere"

My mind is still foggy from the drug, and so is her's. But I can see that she understands what I'm trying to say without even having to say it.

"You love pink" she points at me and the disappears into her kitchen"You're just a pussy that keeps lying to himself " her voice echoes

I blink staring at the wall, a foot already out of her apartment. I think to myself;

Is it possible for me to still be inlove with her?

The promise that I keep bringing up in my thoughts is that I don't- for any circumstance- touch Olivia. And yeah, that's been really hard for me. Michel made me do a fucking pinky promise when we were nineteen, promising that I wouldn't do anything sexual with her,love her or even like her. After his accident, he saw Olivia like his guardian angel that saved him from death. He tried to protect her like she did to him, and that included protecting her from me also. He knew me, what I was capable of doing or how broken I was from my fucked up home. He was there for me, and he still is. But believe me when I was it, he prefers beating me to death than seeing his charm of a sister he has, fall on my rough hands.

The choice is mine. It's mine because she doesn't know the reason I try to stay away from her while still being there when she needs me. And she will never know it. It drives her crazy, I know it does. But I would a liar if I said that it doesn't make me mad too. Because when she calls my name or calls for my help, I'll be there and I'm gonna love every single second of it. Its addictive, seductive and consuming. I prefer sitting there arguing with her, her yelling at me and calling me names, rather than doing anything else. If I can't have her in my arms, at least I want her in front of me cursing and yelling at me. I know she's safe.

I chose if I brake my promise, I chose if I brake Michael's trust, and I chose if I brake her.

One of the reasons I keep the thoughts to myself is that if things go down and I have to face him for my feelings, i will fight him if he does.

I already have made my decision in the past, and I chose Mike. I will do it again,but not for him, but for her. She doesn't deserve me, and I will make sure she finally sees it.

The only thing I need to do is just...

Being myself.

A.N.
Let's see what you can accomplish by that.

Sorry for not posting more.
I have to study for my finals xx💋.