Forbidden from the start

chapter 63

Jacob's POV

Fuck!

Jealousy is not for me. I always had what I wanted and if I didn't, i fought for it. This feeling is for the weak, and for those who know that they lack of their needs.

Needing something is very strange to me because I don't care about anything really. I never needed a person, a relationship or a feeling. Even with my few friendships, I always felt the way they felt. Never more, never less.

But now, I'm facing my needs. And they are beautiful, and shiny, and breathtaking, and happy, and... in the hands of someone who's not me.

I want to smash the glass that I'm holding, to take out my anger but I can't bring myself to do it. Instead I swallow my feelings till they decide to swallow me.

I used to drown them in drugs and booze , something I'm not so proud of. It passes my mind every time I see her, to dig my nose back into this crap, but that would destroy her more that it could destroy me.

Is it selfish that I'm flirting with the thought of it?

I want to feel numb again, to be in my own word but that would cost me more that I can gain.

"Well, get over it because i will surely let that guy touch me today"

It's not normal to remember those words and feel my throat closing, to feel a huge knot in my stomach and my head ringing.

It's stupid, I know it is. She's an adult and can to whatever she wants with whoever she wants, right?

Wrong.

"Shit! Shut up!" I bang my head on the black wall, the music from the club still thronging my ears

Anyone who saw me right now would know that I'm crazy. But that's how she makes me feel.

"What's up with you, baby?"

I bring my head around and face Annabella, a girl I used to hang out with a couple years ago. We used to go to those abandoned places and hook up, and do what drugs you can or cannot imagine.

"Hey, it's been some time" I try to smile, maybe she would just forget this scene

"Indeed. Having a bad time?"

Like always, she has this kind of attitude that you know instantly what she wants from you. Her glossy eyes travel on my body, and the way she seductively bites her bottom lip shows me that she wants more from me than just a small talk.

"Yeah, kinda" I blur, looking on my left to avoid eye contact

She moves forward and goes near my ear.

"Want something to forget the pain?" Her naughty voice, accompanied with a pressure I feel on my stomach makes me already know what she means

I know her that well, that I can tell with a certainty that right now she holds a small plastic bag with whatever the drug of her choice may be, inviting me to share that and whatever may happen next.

"People never change, do they?" I smirk, looking down on her

"No, they don't" she smiles and I can see the craziness in her eyes

That's my solution. Some drugs and another woman. It's the only way to forget about her.

She grabs my hand, and I let her. We get into the first stall we find and I get some weird flashbacks from the past when I see her get on her knees and make me sit on the closed toilet seat.