My Neighbor Enemy

29

"Pero alam mo, alam kong umiiyak ka talaga kanina, siguro naman kahit papano, pwede mong maikwento sa akin yung mga iniisip mo, tutal hindi na talaga boss at employee relasyon natin" biglang sabi niya na ikinagulat ko kaya medyo napa hinga ako ng malalim, ngumiti naman ako sa kaniya at umiling iling

"You can trust me, and I do trust you, but I don't think I'll ever share these thoughts or these emotions with someone else, not again. It's just that, once na mag share ako sayo, hindi na titigil yun, sunod sunod na yung pag sasabi ko ng kung ano ano sayo, lahat ng nonsense na bagay, to the point na bigla na lang kita tatawagan ng madaling araw, or pupunta ko sa bahay niyo, para lang umiyak... Nangyari na ito dati, I was like that with Jan, lahat ng nangyare sa buhay ko siya ang takbuhan ko, masyado ko siyang inabuso, masyado ko siyang tinake advantage, ginawa ko siyang buntungan ng sama ng loob, to the point na parang wala na siyang panahon para sa sarili niyang problema, kaya no, I'm declining your offer, I'd rather you tell me your problems rather than me telling you mine, thank you tho" mahabang sabi ko sa kaniya at tumingin naman siya sa akin

"You know I don't mind that, and I'd rather you tell me all the thing you think about, all the things you're feeling, the things you're going through, I'd rather have you tell me that, rather than lose you with knowing nothing." Sabi niya sa akin at naalala ko yung mga sinabi sa akin dati ni Jan nung mga panahon siya ang tambakan ko ng sama ng loob, he told me the same things

"You know, I used to have a friend like you, gay, strong personality, very moody, very picky, very classy, and matalino just like you. He used to do all the things that you've said to me, pumupunta siya bigla sa bahay ng madaling araw para lang samahan ko siya habang naiyak siya sa tabi ko, tatakbo siya papunta sa akin pag may nangyare sa kaniya, masaya man o hindi, one time nahuli ko siyang nakatitig lang sa pinto ng bahay, nung kinonfront ko siya sabi niya nahihiya na daw siya na pumunta sa bahay, lalo na pag ganun mga oras, syempre sinabi ko na okay lang sa akin... Pero it turns out hindi okay sa kaniya, he felt so guilty na lagi na lang siyang natakbo sa akin, na lagi na lang ako ang ginugulo niya at ginagawa niyang dump ng emotions and experiences niya, the guilt was eating him up, pero kung makangiti siya every day parang walang nangyayare sa kaniya, keeping him besides me was the best feeling, the best accomplishment I had, but then one day I lost him. He committed suicide the day ng birthday niya, he wrote, he emailed me rather, a very long letter, it had every bit of emotions, every bit of thoughts he had before doing the did, and the main idea of his leter to me was, he was thankful and sorry for everything. So zian, I know the signs, and I'd rather you bombard me with all that you have rather than hear nothing and see you one day unable to express anything" mahabang kwento niya sa akin, and I felt sorry for Sky, but I somehow felt everything na nararamdaman nung person na sinasabi niya, hinawakan ko naman ang kamay niya

"Sky, he really is thankful to you, I don't know if you understand his point of view, but I'll tell you this. He is a burden to himself, by talking to you he felt at peace and relieved, however by talking and unpacking on you, that relief turned into guilt, you have your own life, and he had his own, but he felt guilty waisting your time, your life on him, just to listen to his on going battle with himself. The guilt did ate him, but guilt wasn't the only thing that did, its the fact that he has no added value on your life, just like you are valued in his life. He's useless to you, and your useful for him, and with that, he decided to not take advantage of you... And that's how we felt, your life is yours, my life is mine, disrupting your life with our life is what ate our life" sabi ko sa kaniya at hinigpitan niya ang pag hawak sa kamay ko, not to the point na nakakasakit na, pero to the point na nag pipigil siya ng emotion

"So, shall we make it somehow transactional? In that way feel free to bombard me with anything, anytime of the day, and I'll do the same to you, and if it will make you feel better, I'll tell you how I really feel pag nag sasabi ka sakin, like "wait medyo inaantok ako" or kaya, "wait bukas na, dun tayo sa office mag usap", cause, correct me if I'm wrong, you'll rather have and hear that, than me telling you straight up na okay lang sa akin, kasi atleast I'm being totally honest with you" sabi niya sa akin napangiti naman ako sa kaniya, he's trying to crack the code, and he's almost there