I'm here (English Version)

Breath

I slipped into the shower before I could even cross paths with him. I didn't want to show him that I had had the same nightmare again. He probably wouldn't have asked me anything, he knew me well by now. I could hear him fumbling in the kitchen to get my coffee ready, he always did that. It was his way of saying, "Hey I'm here." He would stay over at my house more and more. You couldn't say we were a couple, not a conventional couple at least, but anyway were we. He was simply there. He was there when he had to be. If it weren't for him I probably wouldn't have been there either. And vice versa. I came out of the bathroom wearing my bathrobe and smelled the coffee.
I approached him in the kitchen and hugged him from behind resting my hands on his chest and my head on his back . He smelled good even as soon as he woke up and managed to look damn sexy with that black, loose hair on his bare shoulders covered with tattoos. I knew them by heart.
- "Thank you for coffee Phil"-
Oh yes, he still wore them that way back then. I liked to tease him, I had sworn to him that sooner or later I would cut them off in his sleep and he would lose his charm with women. But I would never do that, he was handsome like that. And he knew it, the darned thing, that he was sexy. He turned around, gave me a kiss holding me close to him, left the hot cup in my hands, and without saying a word went back to bed. I doubted he hadn't noticed anything, but if there was one thing I loved about him it was that he asked few or no questions. He understood on the fly always. On a normal day the robe would have flown to the floor and we would have ended up in bed again. He was a fantastic lover I admit. But precisely this was not one of those days.
I sat with my coffee in front of the window and looked at the time. I still had some time before I had to be in my office. The cell phone screen lit up and I thought I might as well put the ringer back on by now. New message. Unknown number. I rolled my eyes. Oh lord let it not be Dad who lost his phone again and has a new number. I think I have at least a dozen saved in my address book, practically one for every year. He loses a phone, gets a new one with a new number, and then finds it again. I open the message already ready to read the usual drama and instead I don't. Instead I feel sick, out of breath again, throw the phone on the table, spill my coffee on my robe, and simultaneously pull a half-hearted profanity through clenched teeth. "Are you all right?" can be heard from the room. I made such a fuss that he couldn't resist this time. "Yes everything is fine, I just spilled my coffee, sorry." Instead no, everything is not all right, nothing is all right, I feel short of breath. This can't be true. I am in bed and this is another nightmare. I grab a sponge from over the kitchen sink and clean up the mess I made. I go to the bathroom, throw my bathrobe in the washing machine and get dressed in the stuff I had left ready from the night before. My uniform. I can't tie my shirt, my hands are shaking again. Breathe Hailey, damn it. You have to go to the office, now think about this. One thing at a time, one step at a time. It's just a joke even if it's not funny. I can't put makeup on, shit, not with my hands shaking like this. I decide to give myself just a little foundation and concealer. I've never been down with making myself look unpresentable at work. I comb my hair and tie it tightly at the nape of my neck, very professional, so at least now I don't look like I just escaped from a serial killer. Or from a man in a mask. I flash a smile that is more like a sneer. This is no time for inappropriate jokes Hailey. Breathing once more, I exit the bathroom and reach for the phone. I haven't changed my number since then. If he ever looked for me? Over the years I've received several pranks if you want to call them that. Kids. Then again, practically all of Duskwood had my number because of that famous video. On a normal day I wouldn't have reacted like that. The phone still stands where it landed. I slip it into my pocket without turning it on, huff, and leave the house. It's going to be a long day I can feel it.