I'm here (English Version)

Contingencies

We arrived at the parking lot of the restaurant that stood just outside Duskwood. The first time, I didn't even get out of the car, my legs were shaking, and I asked him to leave. He didn't force me, he never did that. He never pushed me to do anything I didn't feel like doing, and he drove me home. The second one I froze in the doorway, again I asked to leave and again I was accommodated without any discussion. He always respected my time, I don't know what gave him such patience, there were times when I would have told myself to go to hell. The third one was the good one. Fuck it. He was gone, I couldn't and wouldn't deprive myself of living anymore. I didn't deserve it and Phil didn't deserve it. I was the one who forced myself, grabbed his hand dragging him along one step after another, and decisively pushed open the front door before it was too late, before I could enter that circle of negative thoughts I was carrying around.
It really was a nice restaurant despite the fact that from the outside I wouldn't have given it a dime. When one thinks of going to the Chinese, one immediately imagines big lanterns, gaudy gold and red furnishings, cats with swinging paws, in a hodgepodge of things that so much a Westerner could never understand. Instead I was pleasantly surprised when I entered. The atmosphere was soft, the staff unobtrusive and moving silently, the furnishings modern and elegant. A delicate smell of cooking hovered, not the usual pungent smell of fried food. On the walls were paint all in laps that surely had great value as they were hand-painted one by one, in which there was drawn a carp in the water, which encountered other depictions along the way and at the end of the lap had taken on the form of a dragon. It was Phil who told me the legend about a brave carp that managed to climb up the waterfall located on the Dragon Gate, overcoming obstacles and evil spirits. The gods, impressed by such bravery turned her into a beautiful large dragon. By entering that restaurant I had been as brave as that little carp, I had overcome my obstacles and the evil spirits in my mind. And upon entering I made the right choice because among other things, in addition to overcoming my anxieties and inner black holes, I discovered that they ate deliciously well.
"Get ready to spend Hawkins, I'm really hungry." He smiled, mindful of the last time when in fact, I had been playing devil's advocate in front of the cashier to pay the bill myself, hearing no reason, in front of the always smiling and seemingly patient proprietor, who in my opinion, actually thought I was a very strange strange woman raising her voice.

When in a place you order by saying "The usual" without even looking at the menu, well that makes the idea of how many times you have gone there.

The usual arrived as quick as ever at our table. I snapped my chopsticks apart and looked at Phil in defiance. He had taught me how to actually use them, and as is often the case the student surpassed the master. "No, last time I lost like a beginner, I won't give you the same satisfaction twice," he replied waving his chopsticks at me. I mumbled a wimp as I already started pulling up noodles with vegetables that were followed by grilled shrimp, and in the middle of it all I also tucked in some amazing spring rolls and dragon clouds dipped in hot sauce. We finished quietly, and on the plates not a single crumb was left behind. For me, who is in denial about putting together a meal worthy of the name, this place was and is very high cuisine. We got up to leave, my goodness I felt myself bursting - do you see Alan that now my belly is bigger than yours? - And it was as we passed between tables that I saw him sitting a few feet away with the same woman. No heck no, not you again. But what is this a joke? No, it was not a joke, and as I had seen him, he had seen me. Phil had also seen him by following my gaze but this time he had seen fit to make himself conspicuous by flanking me and holding me unmistakably close to him as he paid the bill. For a moment I thought I saw a strange expression in those blue eyes that stood out in stark contrast to his black hair but it lasted so short that I had probably imagined it. Fortunately he turned back to face his woman or whatever.
"Of course Duskwood is so small," I exclaimed once I was in the car. "Thank you for protecting me my knight " . I reached across the seat to kiss him. Of course I didn't need protection, not for that sort of thing at least. But it was nice to have someone beside you to take care of you. And especially in my case, to keep you from fooling around.
"Duty calls. - Said looking at his watch-I have to go to work, will you come with me?" Not a word about the meeting made. I chose to go home. It was still early to place myself at his place, I had house to fix and laundry to do. I told him I would join him later. Once I left home, I turned on Alexa and had it play some random music. I hated too much silence. Silence made people think too much and my thoughts were big unknowns. As I was about to dance to start the last dryer I began to notice it. A rhythmic, continuous sound. It couldn't be; he hardly ever barked. I turned off Alexa, leaned out the window, and instead it was him. Cerberus. He had noticed me and was now barking in my direction. "What's the matter, it's not cookie time, your mistress will send me a vet bill if I keep stuffing you." Nothing, there was no way he would stop despite being a perfectly behaved dog. I decided to go down and calm him down before the whole block started yelling at him from the windows.
" -Hey you need to stop messing around-" I said kneeling outside the gate at his height. Strange that the lady had not intervened as she immediately did. Strange also that she had gone to her daughter out of town and not warned me as she usually did. She kept barking at me and then at the house. At the house and at me. Something was definitely wrong. I decided to climb over the gate, after ringing the doorbell several times. After all, who do you want to scold a policeman? That's when I saw her. Frau Töpfer was lying on the ground on the patio between the house and the garden. Oh shit. No no no. I ran to her with my heart in my throat. I laid two fingers on her neck. She was alive. My goodness she was alive, and I resumed breathing. She must have fallen or fainted, I did not know. She had no injuries except for a hematoma that was beginning to appear on part of her face. I immediately called the ambulance, which fortunately arrived quickly. As soon as she recovered she recounted that she had slipped on the way to the garden and from there she could not remember anything else. The worst part of the fall was that she had definitely broken her femur and I was told that she would not be coming home for at least a month or so.
"-please Hailey take care of him otherwise I'm not going anywhere-" he told me, pointing to her faithful companion. Only after I promised her did she agree to be loaded into the ambulance. Oh manI had lost two years of my life seeing her lying there. I looked at the big dog and thought of my small apartment. An elephant in a china store.
What am I going to do with you now?